According to Forbes, 90% of all Americans live within 15 miles of a Walmart. Walmart is very well-known and carries so many things that it's quite convenient to shop there. However, no one ever talks about the stages of shopping there. That's what this article is here for. Enjoy the hilarity of my shopping experience at the one and only Walmart!
1. Deciding to go to Walmart for just one thing
J. Jones
It's never just a few things though. It always turns into more. Maybe, just maybe, this time will be different. (It wasn't.)
2. When you arrive and notice how ridiculous the parking lot is
J. Jones
It doesn't matter what time of day it is. The Walmart parking lot is always busy. There are always cars everywhere, carts not put away and even people driving on the wrong side of the lot. Madness!
3. That immediate overwhelming feeling when you enter the building
J. Jones
There's something about entering Walmart that makes me want to cry. There are so many different types of things at every Walmart. There are groceries, clothes, couches, TVs, video games, etc. It makes me feel quite claustrophobic.
4. Getting distracted by all the **** you don't need
J. Jones
As mentioned previously, Walmart contains a lot of stuff. Much of this stuff I do not need and nor does anyone in the world. Exhibit A: This giant cat hat that my sister is wearing.
5. Wandering aimlessly through all of the weird things you can buy
J. Jones
J. Jones
Once again, I can spend SO MUCH TIME in this store because of all that is has! A pink hoverboard right next to a box of 48 Poptarts? Insane!
6. Wishing you had dressed better for fear of ending up on People of Walmart *shudders*
J. Jones
If you've never heard of this website before, please look at it. It will certainly give you a few laughs. It will also discourage you from going to a Walmart without looking your best.
7. Trying to find a check out line that is actually open
J. Jones
Granted, I did go to Walmart at around 10 p.m. on a Sunday night when I took this photo. However, every Walmart I have gone to has at least 15 checkout lanes. I have never seen more than four open no matter the time of day. Some Walmarts' have opened self-check lines, and those sometimes aren't even open. The agony!
8. Driving home unaware of what you even bought...
J. Jones
This is our "confused" face. I'm sure you are familiar with that feeling you get when you are driving home from shopping and can't even recall what you just purchased. It's a sad feeling.
9. Noticing how much you spent without even realizing it
J. Jones
This is also a painful feeling: looking back at your receipt after shopping. I only went to Walmart for laundry detergent. What did I leave with? Batteries, a picture frame, an alarm clock, a shower curtain and even a backpack. *sigh*
10. Your face when you realize you didn't even buy what you meant to
J. Jones
To top it all off, I didn't even get the laundry detergent. Why? The distractions of Walmart! Until next time, Walmart. I will defeat you somehow!
Walmart has the power to distract and overwhelm. Don't fall for its tricks! Next time you shop at Walmart, make sure to stick to your guns and actually buy what you went there for! I believe in you!
This article is purely satire. I am in no way trying to diss Walmart. I actually like the store very much.
