The Sound of Silence
Start writing a post

The Sound of Silence

It's Deafening

The Sound of Silence

Have you ever stayed quiet when you just wanted to scream?

Have you lost count of the times you choked back what you wanted to say to avoid a conflict?

Do you avoid talking about your feelings because you feel like a burden?

Do you just keep burying and burying?

Do you try to move forward but can't figure out why you feel like you're wading through quicksand?

I know those feelings. I've been there myself. You feel like you're either going to drown in your own feelings or boil over with all of the emotions that you've kept inside.

You always feel on edge or close to a breakdown. You struggle with everyday activities like brushing your hair or getting dressed.

You feel hopeless while also feeling guilty about not being able to do anything. You feel like nothing you can do is ever right. It feels like the world is against you as one thing after another goes wrong.

For me, just a few years ago, this was my everyday. I was constantly panicked and worried. I couldn't sleep, and I barely ate. There were so many thoughts circling through my head all of the time. I thought I could handle all of those feelings on my own.

But I couldn't.

I struggled. Every. Single. Day.

I had to keep pushing, though because I had a baby to take care of. If nothing else, he needed me.

So I booked myself an appointment for therapy. I went and saw my primary care doctor.

My doctor put me on my first med. It made me sleep for twelve hours a day.

Luckily, I had help with my son so I could figure this all out.

We tried another med. I had an allergic reaction to it.

The next. Same reaction.

Now my legs and arms were torn up from the reaction, I was still not able to function, and my son was missing out on time with me because I couldn't get control of it.

Then I started therapy.

My therapist was a wonderful, helpful person. They helped me work through what was bothering me.

Over the course of two sessions, I was already starting to feel better. I was able to start taking better care of myself. I wasn't a complete zombie.

With more sessions, I learned to cope with things that were thrown at me instead of immediately panicking.

My panic attacks subsided.

Eventually, my doctor found a med that worked for me. I was diagnosed with high functioning anxiety because I was able to control myself in public places.

However, I still felt silenced. Like I couldn't talk about my issues with anyone.

I felt isolated. Like I shouldn't and couldn't rely on others.

I knew that wasn't true. Logically, I knew my friends and family had my back.

But in my head, I couldn't tune out that inner voice that told me I was worthless, friendless, a terrible mother, child, wife, friend.

The voice never stopped. It kept digging at me and digging.

Until one day, it finally stopped.

I was taken off of the med. I continued therapy.

I got better.

Now, I'm not perfect about it. I still have moments of doubt. I still have issues.

But now I can cope with them. I can handle panic attacks, as infrequent as they are.

The point of all of this is that there is no shame in getting help. Ask for help; get help. Reach out. I know it's hard.

And those who aren't going through this but think maybe a friend of theirs may, don't wait to offer a helping hand. They may struggle with reaching out.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

college students waiting in a long line in the hallway

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments