When I was a kid time seemed so much slower. I had no responsibilities outside of school, and life was pretty great. The school year, however, would take forever, until finally, by some miracle at the hand of God, it was the first day of summer break.
I used to get this overwhelming feeling; I'm really not sure how to describe it. The best way, I suppose, was to say it felt like an utter freedom. I could get up and do whatever; I could play a video game, go swimming, go to a friends house or have a friend come over, or go to Boomers (Boomers is a small, amusement center with a Rocky and Bullwinkle theme in Medford, Long Island). Summer was a haven, away from school and a small detour from growing up.
But that feeling slowly dissipated the older I got. Eventually, I'd be working during the summer. Then when I switched to SNHU Online, I had classes year-round. While that's different from actually physically going to class, I still have to worry about papers and other assignments. That refuge found in the heat of summer no longer exists.
Where am I going with all of this? As I mentioned in my article "The End Is Nigh," I'm graduating at the end of this month. The hunt for a real job and my future begins in three short weeks (not that I haven't been looking already, but once I have the degree, I can jump in full-throttle).
Like I said in my previous article, I'm scared. There are no more summer breaks to hide behind. That overwhelming feeling of freedom has been replaced with an overwhelming freedom of time getting the best of me.
I started this article by saying about time seeming slower. Summer used to feel like a years time, and so much could change between the end of one school year and the start of the next. But as I write this, I'm relaxing that the last few months have been a blur. Summer has flown by, as have my last several school terms.
When I was in grade school, I wished time would move faster, so I could be done with school and move on. I'm thrilled to be finishing up with school. I transferred during my second year from Arcadia to SNHU, and thus added an additional year of schooling to my college career. But that wish from when I was a kid, has finally started come into fruition.
It feels like time is getting the best of me. I'm already more than halfway through 23... What happened to 22? Unlike Taylor Swift, I never even got to feel it. Hopefully that joke lands.
I don't really; I hope I don't sound like a whiny kid out of a young-adult novel. Reality is starting to finally become mine, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's daunting, overwhelming, and humbles you. Every time I think I start to get a handle on things, where I mentally reflect and think, "I'm getting things in control, I'm ready for whats next" I get that infamous reality check and get knocked down a few pegs.
My Summertime Sadness is routed in the fact that the idea of summer is gone. So long to naiveté; goodbye to the pause; farewell to freedom.
(Excuse the poor quality).
I think the overall voice to this piece, is that growing up is hard. I know I'm 23, and that's an adult, but I'm not an adult. Joe Rogan has a bit where he says how as a kid, we look up to our parents thinking they have everything figured out, and that being an adult is great. But then when you get here, you realize no one has anything figured out.
Joe Rogan upload.wikimedia.org
I'm starting to realize that first hand; I know just as much as I did about what matters when I was 13... very little. I never wrote an article about Netflix's "Glow." I've wanted to because I love the show. But by the time I got to watching the first season, it was six months after it came out. By the time I finished the second season, two weeks had passed since it's release. My point, it had already been writing about times over.
Due to "Glow," I decided to check out "Maron," Marc Maron's show prior. And while I don't enjoy "Maron" nearly as much, but what you watch, is a man who is near 50, still trying to figure things out; relationships, work, and being happy. Based on where I am currently, that message has been resonating with me.
Basically, everything that is overwhelming and troublesome now... will be when I'm 50. At least I have an idea of what to expect.
