Dear Dierks Bentley,
While I am a huge fan of modern country music, and your work ("Say You Do" makes me melt), I'm not a huge fan of your latest single, "Different for Girls" ft. Elle King. The song provides the listener with a story of the parallels between women and men that you claim occur when they're going through a break-up. You begin the song with the following lyrics:
"She don't throw any t-shirt on and walk to a bar. She don't text her friends and say, "I gotta get laid tonight." She don't say, "It's okay, I never loved him anyway." She don't scroll through her phone just looking for a Band-Aid."
First of all, you are making an argument that women are not sexual creatures--which I hate to be the one to break this to you, but they are. Who says a woman can't have casual sex? I know plenty of women who text their friends and say those exact words. Secondly, you're over-sexualizing men. Who says all men want casual sex after a break-up?
Then we proceed to the chorus where gender stereotypes are heightened to:
"It's different for girls when their hearts get broke, they can't tape it back together with a whiskey and coke. They don't take someone home and act like it's nothing, they can't just switch it off every time they feel something. A guy gets drunk with his friends and he might hook up. Fast forward through the pain, pushing back when the tears come on...But it's different for girls."
But what if a woman wants to drink a whiskey and coke and go to a bar with her friends and hook up? Is she not allowed to do that due to traditional gender roles?
It's not all about women either. By saying men have to push back when the tears come on, you are playing into the phenomenon that the world today does not allow men to feel--the same phenomenon that could cause anything from depression, anxiety, abusive relationships, poor self-image and even suicide.
A blogger and registered dietitian from the Huffington Post, Timi Gustafson, wrote "suppressing emotions may increase the risk of dying from
heart disease and certain forms of cancer." This confirms earlier studies that have linked negative emotions like anger, anxiety and depression to the development of heart disease.
Why are men not allowed to share their feelings without being pinned as "corny" or "girly?"
And so, Mr. Bentley, you have provided me with quite the dilemma. As much as I love your work as an artist, I cannot support the blatant stereotyping of men and women with some misandrist and misogynistic undertones as this song delivers. So I guess I'm left to ask you--why do you think this way?
As a man, do you honestly believe you shouldn't be able to cry after a break-up? Have you really never shed a tear over a broken heart?
And also, would it really be that strange if you saw a recently single woman at a bar in a t-shirt?
You can listen to Dierks Bentley's song, "It's Different For Girls," here:
Sincerely,
Jessica Winans
