The older I get, the more I realize how much of an extrovert I am. When I was younger, I was shy and scared to talk to people, and sometimes I even had to make a conscious effort to interact with family. Now, you could put me in a room full of strangers and I would make friends and start talking to them about anything in a heartbeat.
As a result of this, the one skill of adulthood I haven't yet dipped my feet into is being alone. I try to avoid being alone unless I am tired or in the mood to think, because being alone makes me nervous.
I would much rather have people to talk to and do things with. Hell, even just the presence of another human being makes me less uneasy.
I housesat and watched my aunt and uncle's dogs for them while they went on vacation this past week, and it made me realize that I'm not ready to make that leap and truly be on my own. I was alone for most of the week, and doing everything by myself was incredibly anti-climactic. I went swimming alone, I ate alone, I went to the gym alone, and I slept in an empty house.
It made me sad, and quite frankly I missed my mom. I don't think I have ever gone more than like, five days without seeing my mom, and ever since I started commuting to college, I have become more attached to my house and my family, both of which I don't think I'm ready to leave.
Taking care of a house and two dogs, one of which is a puppy, was way more difficult than I anticipated. I was responsible for every occurrence in the house, which was an unfamiliar experience. There was no one to help me with dishes, cooking, cleaning, or remembering the natural routine and flow of the house, and I am unashamed to admit that I am not at a point in my life where I would be okay living on my own.
I think most everything is better when done with someone you care about, even the little things like watching Netflix or going grocery shopping or making dinner. For me, every experience is improved tenfold just by having someone there with me, existing and experiencing alongside of me.
That said, I think I could probably move out, but under no circumstances could I do it by myself. I would have to have a roommate. Even then I don't know if I'd be ready, because I don't know that I am ready to give up living with my dogs and the people I care about the most. And at 20-years-old, I don't necessarily think I have to be willing to move out and live on my own.
I'm still deciding if coming to this realization is good, bad, or if it doesn't really matter, but I am confident that one day soon I will be ready, willing, and able to be 100% independent. However, today is not that day. Also, I really like my mom's home-cooked meals, and I am not ready to consume a diet comprised strictly of frozen dinners and instant noodles yet.
