Newsflash, One-Sided Friendships Are Not Fun

Newsflash, One-Sided Friendships Are Not Fun

Didn't think I would have to point this out but apparently some people didn't get the memo.

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I'm so tired of one-sided friendships. I'm tired of having them, I'm tired of seeing my friends go through them, I'm tired of listening to people come to me for advice about them, I'm just tired.

Listen, I know people get busy. But in the world of social media and FaceTime and Snapchat, it is not that hard to contact someone. Especially if that someone is your "friend".

It makes my heart hurt to hear stories of friendships that faded away because only one person was putting in any effort. Friendship is a two-way relationship. That's how they work.

Yet I hear story after story of friendships that consist of one person always reaching out first, always making plans to hang out and always being available for the other person.

And it's more common that it should be. Even I have a friend that the only way we talk is if I call them. The only time we hang out is when I suggest it. And it's exhausting and it's hurtful.

You can't claim to be a friend if you don't make any effort. You don't get to be excited about seeing me if you never make an effort to do so. And that's what hurts about the situation. A "friend" would be doing all of those things but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way.

It's a tough situation to be in. And when faced with it, it's hard to move on from said friendship because they do still communicate, they do want to hang out, but only if you do the work. No one wants to cut off a friendship but at some point it will come to that with one-sided relationships.

My advice to everyone, and myself, is to really evaluate the relationship. Reach out and say "hey it really bothers me that you don't ever seem to think of me", have that conversation. Maybe it will go well, they'll apologize, they'll start to reach out first. But maybe it won't. And if it doesn't, then you have the reason to end the friendship.

So to everyone out there in one-sided friendships, I'm sorry. It's a crappy feeling and a crappy situation and you deserve better. But reach out and then you'll know if they also value you as a friend and make a decision from there. And if you ever need someone to send you cute animal pictures, I got you.

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Why I Spend Most Of My Time With My Boyfriend

And why I wouldn't have it any other way.
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We've all heard the constant shaming that is given to any girl that chooses to spend most of their time with their boyfriend. And if I'm being honest, I used to do it myself. It used to hurt my feelings when my friends with boyfriends would choose to do things with them or other couples instead of me. I was one of those people who thought "they'll regret it when they break up and don't have any friends anymore". And I always thought it couldn't really be that hard to balance your friendship with your girl friends and your boyfriend.

However, now I know that I could not have been more wrong. It actually is incredible hard to maintain a good balance between your romantic relationship and your platonic friendships. And for anyone who would disagree, I am genuinely impressed. Because for me, it certainly isn't that simple.

Not only do I understand their side of it, but now I'm even one of them. I will be the first to admit that I spent a majority of my free time with my boyfriend. And the truth is, I wouldn't have it any other way. What I didn't understand before I was in a relationship was that once you start dating someone, they quickly become your best friend, too.

I love all my girl friends. I wouldn't trade any of them for the world. And yes, there are some things that I share with them that I don't with my boyfriend. But I would say that that list of things could be counted on one hand or less. I know that my friends will always have my back. And that no matter what we do, we will always have fun together. But at the end of the day, I would say my boyfriend is my best friend without a doubt simply because he sees a side of me that they never will.

He sees my tough and stubborn side, but also my gentle and affectionate side. Sure, I'm affectionate with my friends, too. But anyone who has ever even had romantic feelings for another person knows that there is a clear difference. My problems are his problems and vice versa. When he is having a rough day, it directly affects my day, too.

And he's more similar to me than any friend I've ever had. We truly just see most things in the same way and that makes spending time together even more enjoyable. Now that doesn't mean we agree on everything. We definitely don't. Just like normal friendships, we still disagree and occasionally fight. But the difference is that I know he will never let being right about an argument become more important than our relationship. And I hope he knows that I would do the same for him.

I couldn't tell you how many times I've heard people say it's unhealthy for two people in a relationship to spend all their time together. And I agree with them to a certain extent. If you're spending literally every single second of every single day with only each other, then yes, it is probably an unhealthy relationship. To be clear, I'm absolutely not trying to condone obsessions in any kind of way. But I think we all know there is a distinct difference between an obsessive relationship and a happy one.

And when you really think about it, has anyone ever criticized a wife for spending too much time with her husband? Or have you ever been judged for spending too much time with a specific friend of yours? No, you haven't because that wouldn't make sense. Why would we judge or shame each other for spending time with the person who makes us the happiest?

Because that's just the way it has always been. And if we're being honest, that is how it will probably always be. Yes. I do think it is important to strengthen all of your relationships and not just your romantic one. But if being with your significant other is truly what makes you happy, then never apologize for it. There is too much unhappiness in this world to give up the things that bring us peace.

We don't diminish people who spend all their time with their spouses because we argue that they will spend the rest of their lives together. And in my heart, I truly believe that my boyfriend is that person for me. And that is not something I'm afraid to say. Before anything else, my boyfriend will always be first and foremost my best friend. And that is something I would never apologize for.

"Every girl has her best friend, her boyfriend, and her true love. But if you're really lucky, there all the same person."
Cover Image Credit: Lizzie Britner

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Sometimes It's Better Not To Stress So Hard About An Exam And Spend More Time Doing Something You Love

Like spending time with friends or doing something you're passionate about... or taking a random trip to New Jersey.

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We all know academics are important and education is one of the most valued commodities in our world. But, sometimes it is okay to distract yourself from the grind of studying. It's okay to take a mental health break and do something on the total opposite side of the spectrum from education.

What most college-age kids don't think about anymore is how the stress of college impacts their mental health. They think pulling all-nighters and staying awake solely by caffeine isn't an issue.

"It's a part of the college experience."

"Everyone has to do it at some point."

WRONG.

Knowing when enough is enough, and when to stop is an important part of growing up. Your body can only handle so much at a time. It's been proven over and over again that cramming isn't an effective way of studying, yet kids still do it. It's time to learn from our mistakes and focus a little bit more on our own health.

Take a mental health break, PLEASE.

Get a few hours of sleep. Watch a movie to let your mind relax. Sit in the sunshine and soak up the sun. Find some friends to make dinner with. Do something other than study for an hour or two. It's not going to kill you.

GPAs are important, I agree with that. But there are a few things more important than your grades, and one of those is your health.

So as this finals season comes to a close, think about ways to improve your studying next semester. Avoid all-nighters and living off of Starbucks (regardless of how great it is), and start putting yourself as your number one priority. When you do that right, your grades will follow suit.

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