Mental Illness Is A Monster I Live With
Start writing a post
Health Wellness

Mental Illness Is A Monster, But I'm Glad I'm With A Monster Hunter

There's no need to romanticize mental illness because it's a monster.

Mental Illness Is A Monster, But I'm Glad I'm With A Monster Hunter
Callaghan Carter

I am blessed to have the chemical imbalance that movies, tv shows, and other articles romanticize…there's no need to romanticize mental illness because it's a monster.

This past week I have been depressed when really nothing has happened. My boyfriend started a new job leaving a toxic environment and I was happy for him for a couple of hours, and then I felt numb again. My room is currently a mess, I've either eaten too much or skipped meals, and drag myself out of bed to go to class and when I'm back in my dorm room, I climb back into bed. And that's been my weekly routine so far.

Mental illness is hard on not just the person with mental illness, but it's also hard on the person you're in a relationship with. I don't know how he does it, I honestly feel like my depression makes him depressed at times, and I know I'm exhausting. Being reminded to eat, to drink water, to push through and do homework. It's like taking care of a child at times, but I need the reminders sometimes.

Callaghan Carter

I find my mental illness embarrassing at times.

Like once we were at his dad's and I had a full-fledged anxiety attack in the middle of a conversation, and it was out of nowhere. I walked out of the room and into the bedroom and squished myself between the wall and the bed with the window open trying to fill my lungs with air. I was starting to hyperventilate, and I was crying because I was so embarrassed. My boyfriend, Ethan, came and sat with me and asked if I needed anything, and when I did he brought me a glass of water.

Walking back into the room after was really embarrassing because his dad apologized if it was something he caused. Some of it was (as I look back now), but if I didn't have mental illness my reaction wouldn't have been that severe.

I feel bad when my boyfriend says he'll try to cheer me up because he's the only one who can when I'm really depressed. Cat and dog pics only do so much. I need to be held, I need physical contact. I need someone to tell me I'm okay and I'm not a burden. Because right now, I feel like a really big burden. Not just me, but the baggage that comes with me. My depression and anxiety are a lot for me, and I can only imagine how it is on him.

I'm scared to live with him. I'm scared for him to see me on these bad days. I'm scared for him to see me being "lazy" (what some people call it) but for me, I'm so exhausted emotionally and mentally I can't do simple tasks. I don't want him to think I'm too much.

These are the days I wish I didn't deal with this monster every single day. I wish I could be in a relationship and do normal things like going to a party or hanging out with family without having an anxiety attack. I am so thankful for the relationship I have with my boyfriend, and on the bad days, I have to think that my mental illness has only made us closer in the end, and I am blessed to have a monster hunter by my side.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Let me just say, first and foremost, happy Thanksgiving! This holiday is known as a time for families to get together, to be thankful for the blessings in our lives, and to dig into a lot of very delicious food that you'll be having as leftovers for the next week. However, this family time is certainly not without downsides, as we are forced to confront certain family members on matters that should best be left out of Thanksgiving discussion, and in my case, this happens to be my father, who is the only republican in our family (that I know of).

(FYI: Since I still live with my dad, it's not just Thanksgiving when I'm forced to listen to him talk about politics, as I had gotten a taste of where he stands just from earlier this year alone.)

Keep Reading... Show less
Peter Truong

If you still have not figured out what you want to cook on Thanksgiving, baked macaroni and cheese is something worth considering. It is simple, affordable, and delicious. I have had many different types of baked mac and cheese and most are dry. I do not like a dry mac and cheese, it just does not seem appealing to me. If you like the creamy cheesy essence of mac and cheese, look no further, this recipe is for you.


Keep Reading... Show less

As a first-year college student, I've been doing a lot of meeting and introducing myself to people, often with the classic format of "name, hometown, major".

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

This Simple 7-Step DIY Face Mask Combines Safety — And Sustainability

Instead of studying like I intended on doing today, I made a face mask for some reason and thought I'd share how I did.


If you were looking for a simple way to make a mask, I am happy to share how I personally make them. I have a pretty small face in general, so I prefer having my homemade ones so they fit better. This is also a great alternative to just throwing away any clothes! Before starting, you will need to make sure you have fabric, thread, a needle, and pins; if you have a sewing machine, you obviously could use that instead of hand sewing it.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

6 Ways To Handle The Stress Of Earning Your Degree From Your Childhood Bedroom

Oh so this was the room where I snuck cookies upstairs past my bedtime and stole R-Rated movies to watch when my parents were asleep and now I'm expected to earn my degree in this very same room?

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

It's definitely not easy, but it's something so many kids are struggling with right now.

Keep Reading... Show less

November is such an underrated month. With all the excitement that comes with Halloween ending and the holiday season around the corner, some people skip over it and go straight to their Christmas playlist. For me though, November is the perfect time to compile a playlist of songs that bring on major nostalgia which I think is perfect for this time of year. If you're looking for something to get you in that thankful spirit before you head into the Christmas spirit or something to play while you enjoy Friendsgiving, here are some go-to songs to add to your November playlist.

Keep Reading... Show less

Taylor Swift is famous for her Easter eggs on social media that hint at what is coming next for her. Over the past few days, fans noticed a change in Swift's hair when she was accepting her win as Apple's songwriter of the year that was reminiscent of the "Red" era. Of course, this has caused widespread speculation that Swift has begun to re-record her masters.

Keep Reading... Show less

While joyful, the holiday season can also be stressful for many and that's A-O.K. Plus, with the added tension that is 2020, this year's holiday season is a lot, to put it simply.

This is your reminder to put yourself first and listen to what you're yearning for. Deep down, you know what you need to thrive and I know that you can get there.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments