I'll miss you everyday until I see you again.

I was always really lucky to be so close to my dad and mom. With that being said, my dad was always my rock. Was I just a normal sixteen year old going through high school? Nope. My dad became sick two years before I became a senior. From sophomore to senior year, I was helping my mom and trying to still be a teen. But, behind doors I was scared. I knew sooner or later he would end up passing, I just didn't know when. From spending days after school at the hospital, to doing homework in those un-comfortable chairs and hearing the alarms go off for many many minutes, I wouldn't change it. I got to still see him, and thats all that was important to me. I hated leaving him, not knowing when he would be home or if he would be coming back.

I never thought my last "love you daddio" or " Wazzzzzzzz upp?" would of been so soon and in a hospital. Watching my mom tear her self apart, and seeing her cry and having sleepless nights, broke me. But not being to take my dads pain away, killed me. April 20, 2017 was the day my life changed, I lost my best friend. I saw him just laying there, he couldn't hear me scream for him, he couldn't see the tears. He didn't want us to see him pass, so he did it when he knew we were coming.

I never imagined loosing my best friend at such a "young age". My rock, my hero and over all my best friend. Its been a year and a half since his pass, and I came to the realization that I still always have him by my side. This is the thing that has gotten me through everything so far. There are things he would of been right there to cheer me on and tell me I was doing great. It was hard knowing I would never get another "proud of you, TJ" or "thats my girl!"

I can always proudly say, I was lucky to have such a great dad.

From his advice, to his funny jokes, to him eating his burger king cheese burgers, he never failed as being a father. I'll never forget the drives to dialysis at six am. I'll never forget the den, or the crazy dance moves and music he played. He never failed to make sure I was okay, from fights with friends, to my first ever heartbreak, to being stressed about school, he was always there. He always took care of me even when he was having a hard time taking care of himself. I wish I could of repaid him and took his pain away.

I couldn't take his pain away, but he knew he was my hero, which made it all okay.

Now that I am nineteen, the pain has just became dull. It is always there. I've learned to deal with it, and luckily have surrounded myself with people who want better for me, and who know when I need help smiling. I would love for him to be here, but I know he is always with me. I wish he could of been there for my graduation, or seen my first home away from home or my first car that is actually mine. I wish he could have met Dylan, who has been nothing but good to his "little girl". I wish he saw all the other little and big things I have done in the past year and a half.

Overall everything takes time. Always say I love you.

With this being said I am so happy with who I became and its all thanks to him. I've learned always to say I love you. Always tell the people you care about that you love them. Say I love you no matter the time of day or how many times its already been said. Say it! In this crazy life, we all have a story and nothing stays the same. Its also okay to cry, and to be hurt. You are strong and you aren't alone. From loosing my dad, I learned to be more grateful and I am thankful for everything thats been thrown at me!