When your a kid you feel free from the world. you feel like nothing can hurt you, but not me. I have never felt like i don't have to worry. i became so infatuated with the struggles of life i never got time to focus being me. My life has mainly been about pleasing others, but then i found out that life is not about that. Life is about finding who you are and making a happy life for yourself. Life is not about making others happy and having others matter more than you. You know it so easy to say that but not actually do it. Its so easy to say just be happy or don't worry. But that is not how life works! Depression hits you like a bus at some point, just like it did to me at age seven. I know at age seven, so young to be unhappy and suck the joy out of life but that is just how it is.
I know hearing how life sucks from a fourteen year old sounds funny. But i know more than you think, i know how life works. I'm in high school now and i know how tough things get. And i know you might say oh your just a teenager and you only know school and what sport to do. Some of that is true but not completely. Your life might seem hard but try being me. Try having so much heartbreak and hurt in your life you crawl into a hole of crippling depression and never want to leave. Try having a bipolar brother that is depressed and you feel like every day when you come home you feel like your going to find him dead. But you hear his tears through the wall. And But somehow i get up every day and keep going.
You don't have to feel empathy for me, i don't want you to, i'm just trying to give you some perspective. People need more of a perspective on life and how hard it is on everyone. You know i was holding my aunts hand when her heart took the last beat. I felt her heart bounce back into her body one last time. How many teenagers can say that. How many teenagers can say they have almost killed themselves two times, i can. And i know i have a great life, money is tight for my mom and i worry about that a lot but that's not big. I do have a good life but....but. I'm just so sad, and i know that sounds cheesy but its true. I don't know why, i'm always stressed and struggling to find the will power to live. And that's why i play volleyball and write. Everybody needs their outlet.
Just remember life is hard on teenagers too not just adults. The stress can add up, like figuring out what i'm going to do with my life and balancing my time. Just think back to when your a kid and put yourself in a teenagers shoes. Try being me.but don't get me wrong you can still be depressed and still have a good and amazing life. You just have to find those right people.
