When life throws you a curveball: my story.
Start writing a post
Health Wellness

Capsized: When Life Overturns

They say your life can change in a split second, to never get too comfortable, to always prepare for the worst, I just didn't think it would happen to me.

Capsized: When Life Overturns

I was fired.

Yep, there it is. I said it. The event that robbed me of the past two months of my life and my joy. I have been so ashamed to admit that it happened, but not anymore. I needed these past two months to heal, to cope, to move on. It was like I was living in a coma where reality felt so warped and grey, where I couldn't see the future.

The word "fired" sends shards of flames through my skin like daggers. Being fired from your first real job is a feeling I can only describe as soul-crushing, especially how it happened to me in particular.

The day I was fired was the most traumatic, horrible day of my life, and it was handled in the most unethical, dehumanizing way. I don't even know exactly what I did wrong as my manager wouldn't tell me. My manager had something against me from day one. I could tell by how he, along with my coworkers, ostracized me. He also was ridiculously critical of my work, yet when I would ask for help to improve, he would be vague and never make time to help me. It got to the point where I had anxiety attacks before work because he was just that hostile.

So it was the end of the day on a Friday. My manager had come over to my desk and told me he needed me to shut my monitor off and follow him downstairs. He was not answering me when I asked him why/what was happening, and I felt very uneasy. I didn't know where he was taking me, why he wasn't making eye contact, why he wasn't talking to me. I felt myself disconnecting as if I was watching myself from above my own body.

The VP from our department was there, giving me this hateful glare. I felt very trapped and helpless. I remember the sound of the sliding door shutting behind me, sealing me in.

My manager sat me down across from him, looking at me with the most emotionless, dark, penetrative stare that I for the life of me will never forget, and said blankly "Maria, due to how you soiled a policy relationship with one of our employers (I actually didn't and I have proof), plus all your failures to meet my standards or even attempt to improve as I expected, we are terminating you as an employee."

At that moment, I felt the life drain out of me. I felt pale. It felt like an out of body experience. I went into disassociation mode-survival mode-and just concentrated on the next minutes ahead. Worse was that they literally had to escort me as if I were a criminal to my desk and stood, arms crossed, as I just robotically threw the few items I cared about in my bag. Then they brought me downstairs, and all my manager did was say a cold, insincere "good luck."

No handshake, no signs of professionalism or respect.

I ran right out not even looking back. I made it to the corner before I just collapsed to the ground in tears. I never cried so hard in my 22 years of life. I rarely ever cry. It was sobs that literally made my whole body shake. I couldn't even breathe. I felt dead. I felt like someone ripped the soul from my body. It felt like a nightmare. I remember calling my father and sobbing. He cried too. I only cried harder knowing how much he was hurting for me. I equate what I was feeling at that moment to being lost in the middle of the ocean with no raft. I then called my friends, who have never even seen me shed a tear, and bawled my eyes out to them, too.

I felt like a waste, a failure, like my years of hard work in school meant utterly nothing now. I was angry, I was sad, I was scared. Scared that I would never find another job. Scared about the possibility of having to leave Portland and go back to my hometown, which I worked so hard to get out of. Scared that I was doomed to never succeed in life.

The next few months were very dull. I barely smiled. I barely ate. I couldn't sleep. I would repeatedly get flashbacks to the day I was fired which made me physically ill. Every day I thought about how I might have to leave my dream apartment which only made me more anxious.

My only solace was applying to jobs.

And thank goodness I did, as my determination to come out on top has finally paid off with an excellent job offer. I swear the moment I got that call, I felt the life flood back into me, and a huge weight lifted from my tired shoulders.

I feel so free now, so alive, so at peace, and most of all, myself. I feel stronger than ever and know that things can only get better from here. My friends and family have been literal saints during this time, offering so much love and support and never any judgment.

The storm is over. I can finally, effortlessly, breathe again.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Health and Wellness

Exposing Kids To Nature Is The Best Way To Get Their Creative Juices Flowing

Constantly introducing young children to the magical works of nature will further increase the willingness to engage in playful activities as well as broaden their interactions with their peers


Whenever you are feeling low and anxious, just simply GO OUTSIDE and embrace nature! According to a new research study published in Frontiers in Psychology, being connected to nature and physically touching animals and flowers enable children to be happier and altruistic in nature. Not only does nature exert a bountiful force on adults, but it also serves as a therapeutic antidote to children, especially during their developmental years.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Simple Ways To Give Yourself Grace, Especially When Life Gets Hard

Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we are becoming.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

If there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at, it's giving myself grace. I'm easily my own worst critic in almost everything that I do. I'm a raging perfectionist, and I have unrealistic expectations for myself at times. I can remember simple errors I made years ago, and I still hold on to them. The biggest thing I'm trying to work on is giving myself grace. I've realized that when I don't give myself grace, I miss out on being human. Even more so, I've realized that in order to give grace to others, I need to learn how to give grace to myself, too. So often, we let perfection dominate our lives without even realizing it. I've decided to change that in my own life, and I hope you'll consider doing that, too. Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we're becoming. As you read through these five affirmations and ways to give yourself grace, I hope you'll take them in. Read them. Write them down. Think about them. Most of all, I hope you'll use them to encourage yourself and realize that you are never alone and you always have the power to change your story.

Keep Reading... Show less

Breaking Down The Beginning, Middle, And End of Netflix's Newest 'To All The Boys' Movie

Noah Centineo and Lana Condor are back with the third and final installment of the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" series


Were all teenagers and twenty-somethings bingeing the latest "To All The Boys: Always and Forever" last night with all of their friends on their basement TV? Nope? Just me? Oh, how I doubt that.

I have been excited for this movie ever since I saw the NYC skyline in the trailer that was released earlier this year. I'm a sucker for any movie or TV show that takes place in the Big Apple.

Keep Reading... Show less

4 Ways To Own Your Story, Because Every Bit Of It Is Worth Celebrating

I hope that you don't let your current chapter stop you from pursuing the rest of your story.

Photo by Manny Moreno on Unsplash

Every single one of us has a story.

I don't say that to be cliché. I don't say that to give you a false sense of encouragement. I say that to be honest. I say that to be real.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

How Young Feminists Can Understand And Subvert The Internalized Male Gaze

Women's self-commodification, applied through oppression and permission, is an elusive yet sexist characteristic of a laissez-faire society, where women solely exist to be consumed. (P.S. justice for Megan Fox)

Paramount Pictures

Within various theories of social science and visual media, academics present the male gaze as a nebulous idea during their headache-inducing meta-discussions. However, the internalized male gaze is a reality, which is present to most people who identify as women. As we mature, we experience realizations of the perpetual male gaze.

Keep Reading... Show less

It's Important To Remind Yourself To Be Open-Minded And Embrace All Life Has To Offer

Why should you be open-minded when it is so easy to be close-minded?


Open-mindedness. It is something we all need a reminder of some days. Whether it's in regards to politics, religion, everyday life, or rarities in life, it is crucial to be open-minded. I want to encourage everyone to look at something with an unbiased and unfazed point of view. I oftentimes struggle with this myself.

Keep Reading... Show less

14 Last Minute Valentine's Day Gifts Your S.O. Will Love

If they love you, they're not going to care if you didn't get them some expensive diamond necklace or Rolex watch; they just want you.


Let me preface this by saying I am not a bad girlfriend.

I am simply a forgetful one.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

10 Helpful Tips For College Students Taking Online Courses This Semester

Here are several ways to easily pass an online course.

Photo by Vlada Karpovich on Pexels

With spring semester starting, many college students are looking to take courses for the semester. With the pandemic still ongoing, many students are likely looking for the option to take online courses.

Online courses at one time may have seemed like a last minute option for many students, but with the pandemic, they have become more necessary. Online courses can be very different from taking an on-campus course. You may be wondering what the best way to successfully complete an online course is. So, here are 10 helpful tips for any student who is planning on taking online courses this semester!

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments