So, for those of you currently residing underwater or in an area with no cell service, welcome back. Thank you for choosing to come read this article first, like wow.

Because you've missed out and don't know what is happening, so let me catch you up to speed with the universe.

Recent updates on life include some politic-y things, global events I'm sure, and most revolutionary of all, IHOP changing its name. The well-known and beloved International House of Pancakes, more commonly referred to as IHOP, has switched its name now. That's right. IHOP is out. And "IHOB" is in.

Guesses flew from Twitter accounts such as my own to identify the last word beginning with a B, and eventually, we settled on Int'l house of... Breakfast? Maybe?

A day later, the order was decreed and the name switched to the International House of Burgers.

IHOB. B for burgers. Yes, you may have a minute to mourn before you continue reading.

You're back? Thank God, I was getting bored.

Reminder: THIS IS NOT A JOKE. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. IHOP IS OUT. IHOB IS IN.

All the intelligence on Twitter combined, and we guessed wrong.

Now, were you aware that IHOP sold burgers? I WAS NOT. And even if you did know this, have you ever actually eaten a burger there???? And now they're throwing this fun fact in the title as if it holds any relevancy or truth!

If I changed my name from Julie, the world would be shocked (well, my family and possibly a couple friends). But if I suddenly changed my name from Julie to BANANA the world would be SHOOK.

So here we stand, humble pancake lovers, united in a mutual hatred against this new evil of the world. Forget the Singapore Summit, forget the whale that washed up in Thailand dead from ingesting too many plastic bags, forget world hunger and the mother fucking Great Barrier Reef for a minute and a half.

Let us focus on the real issue of the now. IHOB.

Do they even realize that the name is uncomfortable to say?

IHOP, this is not OK. Not one bit.

I refuse to order a burger, or even another pancake, until this wrong has been made right.

Moral of the story: Just because you're having an identity crisis, doesn't mean that I have to go along with it.

Please send me your prayers for the coming weeks of driving by IHOP and seeing the new sign being built outside. I will need them.