8 Sarcastic Comments About The First GOP Primary Debate
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Politics and Activism

8 Sarcastic Comments About The First GOP Primary Debate

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8 Sarcastic Comments About The First GOP Primary Debate

Well, fellow Americans, election year is fast approaching up - November 2016 is when we choose our next President. The impending vote that will decide our next Commander-in-Chief, both point to one thing: the debates. Debates are between same party candidates and, when things get really spicy, debates between candidates of different parties. Currently, Hillary Clinton and her multitude of pants suits are putting Bernie Sanders to shame by dominating the democratic field. Yet, on the republican side there doesn’t appear to be one clear contender. Rather, the GOP is divided between a multitude of presidential hopefuls, the most notable including Donald Trump, Jeb Bush, Rand Paul, Marco Rubio, John Kasich, Ben Carson, Mike Huckabee, Scott Walker, Chris Christie, Ted Cruz, and Carly Fiorina.

The first of the GOP primary debates took place this past Thursday, August 6. In an interesting turn of events, Fox News hosted and decided to split the seventeen aspirants into two separate debates. The first held the seven candidates on the lower side of the polls, while the second contained the top ten competitors. After sitting through nearly four hours of political shop talk, I’m sure thousands of questions and comments were running through every head in America. The following is a compilation of the most prominent.

1. Is Voldemort hiding under Donald Trump’s hair?

After nearly two hours of close ups and aerial camera shots, it’s hard not to notice certain physical attributes on each person. The Donald’s top layer of hair appeared to be rather transparent on Thursday night. This brought us to wonder if it is an elaborate scheme to conceal Voldemort, who has secretly found refuge under the shrewd businessman's thinning layer of hair.

2. Is Chris Christie about to sit on Rand Paul to shut him up?

In one of the only heated moments of the night, a rather heated Governor Christie shamed doctor Paul for his NSA beliefs. The fiery passion in his eyes and disdain for the doctor made us think that he was about to charge from his place behind the podium and show Rand Paul what he had learned during his time in Trenton.

3. Who pissed in Megyn Kelly’s Coffee?

Fox News provided three moderators for the night of the debate: Bret Baier, Megyn Kelly, and Chris Wallace. In one of the more memorable moments of the night, moderator Megyn Kelly posed a question to Donald Trump regarding women and his comments on Rosie O’Donnell. Trump stepped in to correct Ms. Kelly, and she quickly bit back a response stating she was right. The Donald then felt the need to show her who was truly commander-in-chief.

4. How many times can they mention Hillary Clinton?

Though Hillary was not in attendance at the debate, she felt present in spirit. Several candidates made comments about her shortcomings, and multiple questions centered around strategies to beat her in the upcoming election. The former secretary of state didn’t seem shaken. In fact, she was spending the night with America’s other first couple: Kim Kardashian West and Kanye West.

5. Is there an unspoken rule that one has to wear an American flag pin when running for president?

It’s hard to believe that so much goes into choosing the right suit, tie, and all together outfit for candidates. Multiple screen tests are done to test the color of ties, the cuff links that should be worn, and whether a blue or black suit is more appropriate. At the end of the day, each contender walks on stage with their own individual fashion flare. However, the one thing that each bidder had in common? An american flag pin.

6. Does the buzzer, that supposedly indicates when time is up, really mean anything?

At the beginning of the debate, the rules were explained to the candidates and the general public. The most emphasized among them was the meaning of the buzzer. Each candidate would be given ninety seconds to respond to their respective questions, and to assist them in keeping track, a buzzer would sound signifying when time was up. However, almost every time the warning sounded, each candidate continued their points forcing the moderator to jump in. We couldn’t help but wonder if our future president needs a hearing test…

7. Do Hillary Clinton and Carly Fiorina shop at the same stores and go to the same salon?

Politics is a field that is primarily male dominated. The women who survive in Washington are people to be reckoned with. That said, we can’t help but notice similarities between these two political princesses. Both go straight for the colorful pants suit and have the classic congressional cut.

8. The candidate who says “when I’m president” is just jinxing themselves

The night was full of quotable moments, good and bad. Yet, the sentence that stuck in our heads the most was any that began with this classic faux pa. It’s a cringe worthy moment when everyone in the room agrees that the gods are about to strike that contender down with lightning. If there’s anything we learned from Odysseus, it's that hubris isn’t forgiving.


With dozens of debates ahead, this election season promises to be a good one.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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