Doing Nothing While Wearing Something
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Doing Nothing While Wearing Something

A satire on female dress code.

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Doing Nothing While Wearing Something

Female expression has advanced in the past 200 years. Starting as early as the fishwives during the French revolution, women have been the backbone behind many different historical protests, continuing with the suffragette movement in the early 20th century, the food riots in Europe during the first world war, and fighting against segregation in the American south since the 1950's.

But, women's expression through fashion has become outrageous. Starting with the raising of dresses to knee-length during the 1920's "flapper" era, to two-piece bathing suits, and now to crop tops and short-shorts galore, the female means of exhibiting current trends and fads have become overbearing. Because of the way they have been presenting themselves in society, women have no right to be complaining about "unwanted" male attention, as if their clothes aren't distracting enough.

So, for women complaining about this problem, I have come up with a few modest proposals as to how to avoid these events!

First thing's first, ladies. Any outfits that can show your shoulders or any skin above the ankle have got to go. They are far too distracting for men to deal with. Seeing as how revealing clothes obviously invite rude or crude behavior, it's best that we just decide to cover up.

We can cater to these needs and replace our previously-revealing outfits with loose fitting pants and turtlenecks! The legs will be fully concealed, no shoulders will be shown, the midriff area is nowhere to be seen, and the chest area will also be covered. There is more left to the imagination. By doing this, productivity in workplaces and classrooms will increase since the distractions of the female body are out of the way! This way, men won't have the option to be distracted by the outfit you're wearing.

If women are still worried about "unwanted" male attention, there are more ways that they can go about fixing this. Just stop worrying! Boys will be boys, after all.

One last piece of advice I have is for women to be conscious about the time that they choose to go outside. Seeing as how rude comments from men seem to increase around nighttime, women should leave where they are at and start to head home no later than 30 minutes to sundown.

I hope that these few modest suggestions will help all of my fellow women out there!



Note: this is a satire and is not meant to be taken seriously.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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