Dear Jonghyun,

How many days have passed since the world last saw you? I can't bring myself to count them, just like I can't bring myself to count how many moments I've mourned for you or how many times I've cried for you. We all say you're in a better place, and we believe that, but we still feel your absence here.

I've been remembering you more than usual since April, around our birthdays. I thought about how yours was the first voice I ever heard while listening to K-pop. Although I don't recall the year, I remember hearing "Replay" for the first time and barely noticing any type of language barrier because I enjoyed the song so much. Now that I think about it, yours was the first voice I heard communicate in Korean. Perhaps you set the foundation, lit the smallest spark that would lead me back to K-pop's positive messages years later. Perhaps that's just another reason I should thank you.

I can pinpoint the day my thoughts really started to center around you just as forcefully as they had in the wake of your passing. It was May 25, on the 11th anniversary of SHINee's debut. In the midst of all the joyful celebration of your group's accomplishments, I felt an inescapable sorrow as I thought about how you should also be here to celebrate.

I fear the danger of being consumed by thoughts of how things should be. It occurred to me over the past weeks that perhaps the best way to honor your memory is to try to avoid getting lost in the darkness of your departure; I should honor you by remembering your light, the way you shined, the way you continue to shine beyond death.

No matter how much time passes, I will always miss you. However, I will try to remember the good with the bad, and I will try to learn everything you tried to teach me.

You have my most sincere love.