I Didn't Feel Close To My Grandma Until 12 Years Later
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I Didn't Feel Close To My Grandmother Until 12 Years After She Passed

Although I wasn't lucky enough to grow up with her by my side, I now get to go through my journey of finding who I am supposed to be, with her in spirit.

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I Didn't Feel Close To My Grandmother Until 12 Years After She Passed
Sara Tolar

I'm not a stranger to loss. At just 5 years old, I lost both of my grandmothers, four months apart, but that isn't necessarily what this story is about. Losing them at only 5 years old never gave me the chance to get close to them. I was left with the grief of losing someone who was supposed to be there. I had to grow up without that figure in my life. I have faint memories of sitting in her lap. Her putting my hair up in pigtails.

Despite those memories, I never had the chance to form that bond that most little girls get with their grandmother. I never got to feel close to her.

Now, twelve years later, I'm going off to college to major in something I'm lucky to be passionate about. Since I was little, I always knew I wanted to be a writer. As I grew up, my interest in journalism and writing turned into this undeniable passion. There's nothing else I am meant to do than be in this field. If I had any doubt in my mind about this, that was all gone when I found out my grandmother was also a writer who was in love with what she did.

My grandmother took the position of editor over her newsletter "The Vineyard" In the fall of 1994. She shared personal stories of her battle with cancer, raising my father and aunt, and her life in the church. She began working with people, encouraging them to tell stories of their own. What started as a small church newsletter grew into a publication reaching people all around the world.

One night when I was talking to my dad he gave me all her old articles. Reading her write about her life and experiences, like I am now, made me feel this closeness to her that I never felt before. Now, we had the bond I was talking about before but for me, this was extra special. I've always thought of her as my guardian angel and now I had a sign from her telling me I'm on the right path with the next steps I'm taking.

Although I wasn't lucky enough to grow up with her by my side, I now get to go through my journey of finding who I am supposed to be, with her in spirit.

I get to use her writing as a guide to who I want to be and motivation to make her proud. I use her writing as if she's giving me advice, her newsletters taught me to write with vulnerability, she encourages me to tell stories of my own.

She was quoted saying her hopes for the vineyard was that Christ will be glorified through it and that people will find encouragement within it for day to day living. That hope of hers lives on to this day within me.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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