Bread-Sliced Bagels In St. Louis

I'm Prepared To Go To War With Anyone Who's Trashing Bread-Sliced Bagels

There's been a lot of St. Louis slander on the timeline recently, I'm here to put a stop to it.


One of the hidden perks of living in a medium-sized city is you get a lot of the amenities of a large city minus the national media attention. Being from St. Louis, I've been able to ride that fine line between fame and notoriety. That being said, St. Louis somehow ended up in the national conversation for one of the most peculiar reasons in recent memory.

This was the tweet that started it all. Innocent enough, right? Just a man being a good employee/co-worker and bringing in some bagels to the office.

Innocent enough, right? Apparently not because basically, the entire world lost its marbles because the bagels were bread-sliced which is supposedly a sacrilegious act to do to a bagel. The above tweet was posted at 8 p.m. on the 25th and the next 24 hours was pretty much a free-for-all against St. Louis and I was quite honestly shocked, surprised and horrified that so many people were opposed to letting the good word of bread-sliced bagels into their lives.

And honestly, I knew things were really going to get ugly when Buzzfeed poured fuel on the fire by curating all the STL hate in one place but everything got worse from there.

Model/businesswoman/Twitter personality Chrissy Teigen coming out as anti-bread-sliced was really the killing blow. Mostly because she probably exposed the issue, which was at first a primarily semi-underground viral Twitter sensation, to potentially millions of people who didn't even know that bread-slicing was a thing. I'm 99 percent sure she single-handedly caused this tweet to happen:

So basically, at this point, I'm at the lowest of lows. Never before in my entire life had I experienced such slander on my hometown and over something as inconsequential as bagel-slicing methods at that. But you know what, bread-slicing your bagels is actually the superior method to prepare a bagel in many instances.

If you are buying bagels for your office, workplace or any sort of gathering where there'll be a lot of people, getting your bagels bread-sliced is by far, 100 percent, without a doubt in my mind the best way to go for a handful of reasons.

To start, bread-sliced bagels are the easiest way to get a wide variety of bagel flavors without seemingly greedy. It's much more socially acceptable to take five slices of a bread-sliced cinnamon crunch bagel and five slices of a bread-sliced blueberry bagel than it is to take one whole cinnamon crunch bagel and one whole blueberry bagel. Along with that same thought process, theoretically, you could get more full of bread-sliced bagels than regular bagels because you can take more of your appropriate share. What if you eat one bagel but you're not hungry enough to eat a whole second bagel? What do you do? Only take half the bagel (which is a true bagel crime)? Partner up with someone who might be as hungry as you to split a bagel? Are you forced to sit in silence and go hungry?

The bread-sliced bagel is the solution to all bagel-related ailments. It's easier to dip a bagel slice into cream cheese than to spread cream cheese with a knife, especially if the bagel is not toasted. Those who say otherwise have obviously never tried a bread-sliced bagel in their life. And to those people I can only say one thing: I hope for your sake and for your future colleagues/co-workers sake that you let the good word of the bread-sliced bagel into your life because we'll all be better because of it.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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