It's 7:30 in the morning and I haven't been able to sleep because my anxiety decided that I didn't need to sleep for yet another night. Sometimes on nights like these, I find myself awake thinking of life in a much more meaningful way; the little things become more fascinating to me. Tonight, the aspect that hit me the hardest was being in my own bed. Bear with me here please while I explain this, I promise this is of sound mind, I just like to dive deeper in things we often write off as mundane.
For some reason, right at this moment, it hit me that I am in a completely different state, in a completely different room, in a completely different bed, and living a completely different life than I was the last 9 months of my life. Shortly after that, I came to the realization of just how crazy it is that I moved hundreds of miles away from everything I know to live on my own and play the sport that I love. From then on, it was an insane domino effect of, "Holy crap, I can't believe this is my life and all these things are happening to me!"
It made me think of everything that came leading up to this point and everything that will happen as a result of it. It made me think of the people in my life that have brought such endless joy to my life throughout the years and especially in these last few months. The little and the big moments that often pass me by throughout the days that I just write them off as my average day-to-day life, but those moments are so much more and if I'm being honest, the things that I do in my life that I consider normal are statistically and stereotypically very uncommon.
As harsh as this sounds, I was already supposed to be pregnant, or not even thinking about college or attempting to go to college, and shortly after that dropping out. But, I'm not. I am in college, getting an education, doing well, happy and healthy, and I get to play the sport that makes me so happy and has kept me sane for all these years. Even though my alarm goes off every Monday morning at 5 o'clock 5 or when I roll into bed around 2 or 3 in the morning after an away game and I have to get up in a few hours for practice at 9 am, I think, "Wow this is really not it." I am absolutely exhausted and then it hits me.
My life has been so much more than a blessing and there's just no other way to put it than that because I will never get to experience some of these things ever again. I am a completely different person than before I moved to this little town in the middle of nowhere. I notice it every day at the weirdest times.
I can't help but give credit to some amazing people in my life that have helped me become who I am.
First, God. Then, of course, my mom and dad for being such amazing, loving, and determined parents.
Dad, thank you for sharing your love, passion, talent, and vision for the game of soccer with me. Everything I know and love came from you, everything about the game that gives me that rush that I can never explain or describe comes from you; some of my greatest memories that I have to date and will continue to make are thanks to what you have taught me years ago.
Mom, where do I even begin? You taught me to be the strongest, kindest, and most intelligent woman that I can be and showed me what it's like to be strong, courageous, fearless. So many of my best qualities come from the things that you have taught me over the years, and I can 100% say that I would be nowhere near the person that I am today without you. Mom, you're my best friend and the only person who knows me better than I know myself; you would always look out for my best interest no matter how it made you feel. You are the most astonishing woman that I have ever met in my life and getting to know you is a blessing, but being your daughter is a gift I am eternally grateful for.
Finally, to all of my friends and the people that I have met in the last year or two, especially at Troy; you have had the most significant impact on my life. You've made me smile bigger than I knew possible and laugh harder than ever before. I didn't think this small little college town would come to mean so much to me so quickly. The memories that I have made with all of you are ones that I will absolutely always cherish. It is such a cool experience to meet people and make memories with them that you know you will tell your kids one day. I miss you all every day and look forward to every time we hang out. People really weren't lying when they said college friends are ones that you will never forget.
I don't know why this all just hit me at once, but I am glad that it did because it reminded me of what I have to be happy about. It reminded me of how different and amazing my life is and how I should really appreciate it that much more.