8 Ways To Trick People Into Thinking You're A Functioning Adult
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Politics and Activism

8 Ways To Trick People Into Thinking You're A Functioning Adult

Fake it 'til you make it

8 Ways To Trick People Into Thinking You're A Functioning Adult

Your early twenties is a tricky time of figuring where you fit in society. According to your age, you are indeed an adult. You fill the part by going to work, paying bills and not selecting your parent's credit card in your shared Prime account. When you make a full balanced meal by yourself you want to shout to the world, "Look at me adulting!"

But then you somehow burn your spaghetti, lose your metro card and miss a credit card payment all within 24 hours. You've been avoiding the dentist for the past year because finding a new one is scary. Sometimes you still have to sniff the clothes on your floor to see if they smell like alcohol from the weekend.

No one needs to know that though. I've noticed some minor details that I've changed in my life over the past few years that have allowed me to put on an air of being a full functioning adult, aka pretending I have my sh*t together. Here are some tips and tricks so that you, too, can trick people into thinking you're an adult.

1. Be able to make something healthy

I still can't cook. But every Sunday I make smoothies for the week filled with blueberries, bananas, oranges, Greek yogurt, spinach, and flax seed. Doesn't that sound impressive? I also store them in mason jars, making myself look REAL FANCY. People are so distracted by my smoothie habits that they don't realize I eat microwavable rice for lunch every day.

2. Trade in your beer stained shoes

I can admit to owning too many shoes (but never enough!). After college, and a few tears, I made myself throw out some of my favorite heels and wedges though. They were coated in dirt, beer stains, and regrets. One even had the whole sole missing. Although they looked cute in the dim-lit bars of my college years, there was no way I could acceptably wear them to work happy hours and still take myself seriously. Although I still miss those shoes during their prime time, it gave me the excuse to go shoe shopping for more adult looking shoes.

3. Understand finances

Not just "I'm going to budget x amount of dollars for groceries each month" (which is still super important), but have a basic knowledge of banking terms. You don't need to be the Wolf of Wall Street, but understand what different accounts and cards mean. I know it sounds boring, but these topics come up in conversations with your friends and coworkers. You don't want to be the one asking what a 401(k) is.

4. Have your elevator pitch ready

Post-graduation, instead of everyone asking, "What's your major?" the number one question is "What do you do?" Have an (impressive) answer ready to go, whether it's in response to a business acquaintance, your aunt or that cute guy at the bar.

5. Have a go-to drink

Keep a simple well drink - vodka Sprite - and common cocktail - mojito - in the front of your mind when you go to a restaurant or happy hour. Although some places call for specialty cocktails, you look a bit inexperienced being wishy-washy over what you want to order. Be sure of your drink choice.

6. Volunteer

You'll sound much more impressive, and seem like you have your sh*t together, if you spend some of your free time outside of work volunteering. You'll officially be a contributing member to the community! Bonus points if your volunteer work requires you to be someone's adult supervision or mentor, now that's being a grown-up.

7. Purchase professional looking accessories

Invest in a nice, structured work pocketbook or briefcase, walking around with a backpack or $20 book bag from college can make you look, well, childish or sloppy. A clean looking leather bag screams, "Look at me, I'm a professional!"

8. Brunch

When your coworkers ask you what you did that weekend on a Monday, it will sound a lot classier saying you got brunch with friends as opposed to saying you went to an open bar at the local dive with you and your 20 closest friends. You can still do the latter, and you may be battling a hangover and/or drinking unlimited mimosas at brunch, but it still sounds fancier.

So after following all these steps, maybe you can even trick yourself into thinking you're full, functioning adult. But please, go make that dentist appointment.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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