6 Things I Love About Female Gender Stereotypes

As a female human, I love using these to my advantage!

Feb 27, 2017

Millikin University

144

6 Things I Love About Female Gender Stereotypes

Law Practice Today

As a female human, I absolutely love being pushed into a box labeled "society's expectations" along with my fellow women. I love it almost as much as I love being shoved into the box labeled "illegal immigrant." That being said, many have asked me, "Alex, why do you love female stereotypes so much?" Well folks, I have six reasons.

1. People assume that I'm the one who cleaned

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Yep, totally. I was the one who cleaned the apartment, thank you for noticing. I do so much hard work around here, I should have a day to myself. It totally was not my male roommate who did the dishes.

2. Children automatically like me

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I'm a girl, children perceive me as a "mother figure." Because of this, kids love me and I have so much fun playing games with them. Unlike my dude friend, who is generally avoided because kids think "he looks scary."

3. Avoiding Homophobic A**holes

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Yes please, you homophobic a**hole. Assume that I am straight. All women are straight. Don't yell slurs or throw bottles at me because I am but a lonely straight woman. Hit on me, I love it when dudes hit on me. Force me to admit my sexuality and then tell me I'm going to hell. I love that.

4. Cooking food for my "hungry guys"

HA.

5. Using my perceived weakness to my advantage

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I'm actually really lazy and my arms are not weak at all, but thank you kind male stranger, for carrying all of my books. Could you open a jar for me later?

6. Secretly toppling the patriarchy

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They won't expect little ole' me. I am perceived as weak and emotional, they won't even bother paying attention to me. And then, when their backs are turned, I will TOPPLE THE PATRIARCHY.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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6 Things I Love About Female Gender Stereotypes

As a female human, I love using these to my advantage!

1. People assume that I'm the one who cleaned

2. Children automatically like me

3. Avoiding Homophobic A**holes

4. Cooking food for my "hungry guys"

5. Using my perceived weakness to my advantage

6. Secretly toppling the patriarchy

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When you realize we're half way through summer and you did nothing fun

1. Road Trip!

2. Have friends over to chill

3. Explore a new place to eat

4. Go to a festival

5. Take a Yoga class

Dr. Cox may be the most sarcastic, snarky, and nasty person to ever cross television screens.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present, me not caring!

JD: "You're ex-wife, she's the answer!" Dr. Cox: "Uh...things that ruined my life? Things that took half of my money? Things with sharp edges?!"

From now on, whenever I'm in the room, you're not allowed to talk

Hand to God, If you so much as look at me for the next month, I will mummify your head in surgical tape

You see, I am a lot of things. I’m a Scorpio, a registered Independent, a foodie, a parrot-head, yes I do love that Jimmy Buffet-always have, always will, a leg man. But I can assure you the one thing I am not is lonely

Laverne: "Does it help to know that Jesus love you?" Dr. Cox: "It does not!"

Jordan: "You know, you're gonna miss me more than I miss you" Dr. Cox: "Oh pah-leeze, I don't need those 4lbs of makeup and quarter inch of synthetically paralyzed skin!"

Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!

That's what we call a lie... or, when you're married, communication

So, if you wanna solve a real mystery go ahead and figure out who is taking my New York Times every Sunday. Or, better yet, how about why anybody on the planet actually thinks that Dane Cook is funny?

Oh my god, I care so little I almost passed out

JD: "Do you think I need to grow up?" Dr. Cox: "Wow. You dream your whole life about that one moment. When it finally comes, you're just-you're not ready for it. Here goes. The answer is a sincere, emphatic, 100% definitive, never been so sure of anything in my life unequivocal yes."

Jordan, you're not looking as processed and overly-medicated as usual!

Payback is a bitch!

Dr. Kelso: "Looking for something?" Dr. Cox: "Yes, my cloak of invisibility so that I can avoid conversation with soulless dictators such as yourself. Unfortunately it's really hard to find because as the name suggests, it's invisible."

Even though we all currently despise each other, we’re professionals. For example, I can lend Barbie a hand despite the fact that she’s a heartless, red-state-supporting, N.R.A. backing, illegal-immigrant-hating, self-righteous, misinformed dope, essentially Karl Rove with smaller boobs

Dr. Cox: "Go to Hell, Bob" Dr. Kelso: "I didn't even say anything!"

What is it with friends and the whole wanting to be in your life thing?

JD: "Dr. Cox!" Dr. Cox: "Okay, Linus, you're way too excited. I want you to get your blankey, go in the corner and take a timeout"

People aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are, mostly? Bastards. Bastard coated bastards with bastard filling

You, honest to God, get me so angry I'm afraid I may hurt myself

JD: "What is wrong with me?" Dr. Cox: "You're an annoying, whiny man child"

Mr. Morrison, I understand that one of our interns spent an hour in here telling you over and over that you are going to die. I would make him apologize personally but I’m having him spend the rest of the day checking that counter-top’s heartbeat

I find your particular brand of psycho-babblery about as useful and about as effective as fairy dust

If you go ahead and listen very carefully, you'll hear the familiar sound of no one caring

Before we start today, who watches Deal or No Deal *intern raises hand* Get out

I would literally swear on my father's grave, but whenever I go there, I usually just end up dancing on it

I'm afraid you have confused me with someone who gives a crap

Should I talk slower or get someone who speaks fluent moron?

If someone is standing in front of me in line at the coffee shop and can’t decide what they want in the half hour it took to get to the register, I should be allowed to kill them

Any other day I'd say no, but today, I'm going to go ahead and just say no

I realize that your heart is made up mostly of muffin bits, the souls of little babies, and the denture grip you swallow every time you suck your teeth to get out the muffin bits and baby souls stuck in there, but what do you care?

God, My brillance is becoming a bit of a burden. Get back to me.

It just makes me wanna pick you up and shake you until all the wasted years of my life fall out!

Bob, I will admit to anything that’s true, no matter how embarrassing. For example, I’ve always wished to carry a child inside of me and you know, birth it. But I’ll never admit to missing you.

If the next two words out of your mouth aren’t “see ya” then the third will be: “Oh my god, my crotch. You punched me in my crotch”

You would hear crickets chirping but they were too uncomfortable about just unfunny that actually was

Laverne: "God works all things for good, Romans 8:28" Dr. Cox: "Bull dinky, Perry Cox 6' 1", Buck 85 after lunch"

"Laverne, would you go ahead and thank what's-his-name for me?" Laverne: "Jesus?" Dr. Cox: "That's him"

Dr. Kelso: "So what do you think, Perry?" Dr. Cox: "Either this kid has a lightbulb up his butt or his colon has a great idea"

I'm gonna go ahead and say this just as carefully as possible: Dr. Kelso is the most evil human being on the planet and may in fact be satan himself

Dr. Cox: "I've seen the Wiggles in concert... twice." Turk: "Did they perform Big Red Car?" Dr. Cox "They opened and closed the show with it, it was... awesome"

You know, as a doctor, I rarely root for the disease, but with you, I find myself chanting 'go hypercalcemia with underlying M.E.N syndrome, go, go, go!"

You go do that, and I'll go find God, quit drinking, get in touch with myself emotionally, and we'll meet right back here at half-past impossible!

If you can be proud of your country on he 4th of July, you can be proud all year long.

The Fourth of July

Many of us have childhood memories of the Fourth of July.

Many of us are huge fans of barbecues.

Some of us enjoyed throwing fireworks illegally.

Some of us live in places where we are never able to see the fireworks in person.

But it is still a tradition for the family and friends to gather around the television and watch them.

Sometimes, the Fourth of July gives us a big excuse to go on a date with our significant other.

Plus, who doesn't like an excuse to cuddle and watch fireworks?

The Fourth of July is also a good excuse to make plans with friends.

It’s the celebration of our great nation, and you’re all invited.

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Before we start today, who watches Deal or No Deal intern raises hand Get out