You Can't Hurry Love
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Politics and Activism

You Can't Hurry Love

Find yourself before you find someone else.

You Can't Hurry Love
The Alone Group-Encylopedia Spongebob

In my 19 years of living, I've come into contact with all sorts of people, with different thoughts and opinions on just about everything. I imagine life will continue to lead me down this path, and I have no choice but to roll with it. In the most recent years, love has been a heavy topic of conversation. I've seen weddings and engagement announcements and relationship status additions nearly every day on my Facebook .

In the same manner, I've come across people who have yet to spend a decent amount of time being single, choosing to go from one relationship to another without any time to let themselves catch up. Not to say that the two categories are synonymous, but I imagine the former is the cause to the latter's effect. It would seem that these kinds of people (the "relationship jumpers" we'll call them) can't function without the presence of someone else to pour their hearts into. But what about a heart that needs to learn how to properly fill itself up before it can properly pour elsewhere?

Too often I see people empty themselves in relationships, adopting certain traits and following the lead of their significant other. It's a problem I've noticed on all fronts, and I honestly feel sorry for those who feel that it's the right thing to be. Without discussing the more abusive portions of this matter (not denying their existence), I would like to address the surface level problems and what might be done to overcome them.

In today's lingo, the word "single" has garnered a negative stigma, usually centered around the idea that those who are deemed as such are somehow unworthy or incapable of gaining the affections of those they seek such affections from. We hear the phrase "forever alone" tossed around, typically in a humorous style, but it is self-deprecating nonetheless.

Talk shows center around dating and "finding the right man" or "what are they really looking for?". There are standards set for each love-seeking applicant, and most don't feel they meet the basic requirements. This leads to a cycle of believing oneself to being incapable of receiving love and thus being "forever alone". It's ludicrous that this happens of course, and not the spectacular rapper and performer featured in Usher's "Yeah".

We've created a newfound need to always seek love, for fear of this being alone forever. I've seen too many rush into various stages of relationships simply because of this. All the while, many never actually stop to think if they're even ready for it.

Truth be told, one must learn how to be alone to be in a relationship. What I mean by this is that we should be able to accept our own insecurities and problems before bringing them into someone else's life. Chances are, they have their own issues, and it could all become a metaphoric mess if not handled properly.

Now, I don't mean to say that we should overcome them, as that is sometimes impossible without the aid of another, the appropriate validation for certain situations. But you must learn to become your own person. But we should not seek validation in relationships, but rather seek relationships already believing ourselves to be valid. For whatever reason, men and women engage in the former and it's becoming a pitiful thing to witness.

Certainly general self-esteem is at an all-time low, considering the state of the world and the ever increasing pressures from whatever world we find ourselves in. It makes sense that we may feel that we don't make the cut, but we can feel like we do in the arms of someone else. Unfortunately, this need for validation becomes the priority and the relationship crumbles. I've seen and heard it happen too often.

Just this past week in writing this, I've heard stories of people suffering from this very issue. It would seem that in the search for acceptance and self-worth, people lose themselves in other people, throwing away whatever was best about them. And when they are single, they don't know how to function, because they don't know who they are. That's the most heartbreaking part of it all to me. Which is why I would like to urge everyone, especially those who live this way to spend some time on their own.

I'm not saying relationships are bad (they can lead to wedding cake, and I think we can all shoot for that), but I genuinely believe you can't be a healthy significant other if you don't find what is so significant about you. But like I said before, come to understand what you feel you need to fix. That's all up to you, but I think it's worth your time to become skilled at self-assessment. Overall, give yourself a chance to get to know yourself.

That's what I mean when I say how important it is to be alone. Delegate yourself the time to learn about yourself instead of throwing yourself into another relationship. Without trying to repeat myself in other forms, I'd like to think my point is annoyingly clear if I've done my job of drilling it in. Be alone for what seems like forever. I completely doubt it will be.

To conclude, I'd like to draw attention to the strange occurrence of when "forever alone" is actually said in public. It is a phrase I wish we'd stop repeating. Sure, there's no sure way of knowing if we will end up with someone, but it's much wiser if we believe we will (a nice lesson borrowed from the HIMYM episode "Matchmaker").

Using this term leads to the problem of basing our self-worth on whether or not we're in a relationship. Much like this article, it all becomes an annoying cycle. But if we "play to win the game", and seek what makes us happiest, whether or not that involves a significant other, then we can find our own validation.

And when this validation comes, we are much more capable of sustaining the basic requirements of a relationship, in every sense. So go out and find yourself, and find someone who is a real big fan of that person. With all of this in mind, you won't need to be alone for long.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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