Ladies, He Wasn't 'The One' Then, And He's Certainly Not 'The One' Now
When he hits you up with that, "I'm sorry, I miss you" text, you must remember that he wasn't sh*t then, so he shouldn't be sh*t now.
I swear that guys have no concept of emotion, feelings, compassion, or consideration. At least, this is true for the one male in particular that I am writing about. Some men have no true concept of these things until their radar for you goes off.
We all know what radar I'm talking about. The radar that beeps when you've finally moved on, when you're finally happy and when you finally start seeing someone new. Men can't seem to feel anything, except jealousy when their radar goes off that you're happy without them. It is important to keep in mind here that this, do I dare say, man, has had little to no contact with me in ten months.
TEN. MONTHS. Almost a year.
Yet, when I finally work up the courage to take a risk and see someone new who is a true gentleman, he decides to hit me with that, "I'm sorry, can we work things out?" text. You have got to be kidding me. Where was this message and this sudden feeling he feels when I was devastated over our breakup in January? Where was this suddenly compassionate and caring guy throughout our entire relationship? Where was this guy when I truly needed and wanted him? He's a coward you see, so he was hiding in the dark when I needed him. But now that I don't need him, now that I am working on building my empire and slaying everything life throws my way, he needs me?
Forget about it, bud.
Clearly, you weren't the one for me ten months ago when we broke up for the third and final time. Clearly, you weren't the one for me when you put sex above every other priority that I had. Clearly, you were not the one for me when you refused to meet my family after dating for three months. (Note: our relationship lasted five months) There were a great number of signs that you weren't the one for me then, but I ignored them until recently.
Reflecting back on what we were, you weren't the man I wanted or needed. You weren't and aren't the person who deserves to be my other half.
You are not deserving to have me wrapped around your finger anymore. Your lack of appreciation and basic compassion proved to me that someone like you is everything but worthy of me. Five months of taking advantage of my housekeeping skills, my cooking skills, my ability to be your chauffeur and not say "no" among other things should have been enough for me to walk away without looking back.
But when I finally did walk out without looking back, without a reason-as if you deserved a reason, you suddenly felt hurt. You felt hurt for the first time since we broke up.
You felt hurt for the first time in nearly ten months. I felt that same hurt ten months ago. Since then, I've moved on. I've thrived and I've blossomed. I've begun my life and the road to genuine happiness. Just because you didn't grieve the loss of our relationship earlier, doesn't mean you can grieve now and drag me into it. I'm sorry to say, but I've grieved the loss of you. I've accepted that I deserve better and that you, in fact, aren't sh*t. You weren't sh*t then and you certainly are not sh*t now.
I am sorry that you're hurting now, but let's be real. Time heals.
I took the time that I needed to heal and look at me now; I'm moving to London from rural North Dakota in a few months, I have the best support system around, and I recently got a promotion at work. I am thriving. And I'm thriving without you by my side because I can. I can finally be free without you holding me back. I am allowed to move forward. It is because you tried to restrict me from living my best life and your lack of support in everything that I was doing that led me to think and eventually believe that you're nothing. You are literally so close to nothing on my totem pole that I have gone the last six months without thinking of you. Until you decided that you were hurt and "missed me."
You don't miss me and who I am as a person. You miss the things that I did for you and the person I was for you.
If you really had been the one for me, you wouldn't have tried to talk me out of pursuing my dreams while you were trying to pursue yours. You wouldn't have spread me thin and asked atrocious things of me. If you were the one for me, you would have respected me, my time, my dreams, and my aspirations. You would have met my dad. You would have tried. And you certainly wouldn't have let us fall apart. People can change, I've in fact changed since things ended. But, you're the type of person who can't change until they are faced with a situation where if they don't change, it's over. Clearly, our breakup was not that moment for you. Some people can't and won't change, and that's okay. What's not okay is for you to lurk around and see that I'm doing all of these amazing things and to see that I am genuinely happy and to try to disrupt that.
I can't force you to change into the person I need and want. I've accepted that.
But because of that, you won't ever be the person for me. You will never be my person.
