Building A Life Away From My Family
Another step towards leaving the nest.
Last week, my family came to visit me in Tuscaloosa. They traveled the whole 25-hour, three-plane-flight trip from Australia — amazing right?! Despite how much my huge ego would like to believe this was just for me, I have to mention there were a few more reasons they visited. The biggest of these was so my grandma could visit the US for the first time ever!
We spent a few days here in Tuscaloosa, where they met my new friends and toured the campus (essentially, they got to see what the heck I've been doing for the past three months), and then we flew to New York City. Visiting Central Park, Times Square, shopping and seeing a musical with grandma and the rest of the fam was a dream come true!
It was the most special week I've ever had, and I'll always remember spending that time with them in T-town and the Big Apple. But that's beside the point. Their visit made me realize a few things I wouldn't have otherwise understood. I went into this semester thinking it would be a fantastic break to catch up and travel together, but it was so much more. It actually showed me how grateful I should be to be here. It's like everything came together and finally made sense to me — an epiphany!
For some, spending three months away from family is easy — it's almost second nature. I couldn't figure out why it was so difficult and strange for me, apart from the fact that I have unhealthy levels of separation anxiety and am a clingy little girl. The first night that they were in Tuscaloosa, they invited my closest friends and me over for a home-cooked meal. It was pretty darn good considering they were working with totally foreign ingredients and a severely under-stocked kitchen (don't worry, their Airbnb host definitely received a few criticizing texts that evening).
I thought the dinner date would be a totally normal ordeal. I have my closest friends over for dinner at least once a week at home. But this time it was different, and not just because we were in an Airbnb in the middle of Tuscaloosa. As I sat there and watched my Alabama family and my Australian family collide, I was gobsmacked, and honestly feeling quite emotional. I had built my own family separate from my one at home, and I watched my mum, grandma, aunties and cousin get to know each of the people I had become so close with and the best parts of each of them — after I already had. It was the first time this had EVER happened to me — a real "introduce you to my family" moment.
This probably sounds really strange to most of you, who — like every other adult — keep family and friends fairly separate. Allow me to explain.
At home, new friends and acquaintances meet my family right at the beginning of our friendship. There's no hesitation when it comes to inviting people over for a meal, a games night, or just to watch TV with the fam and I. This means my friends get to know me as who I am with my family, and my family gets to know my friends at the same time that I do. It's an all-inclusive process! I've never had to do it on my own, which means I've never had an issue with knowing "who I am." It's impossible to not be myself when my family is there.
When I arrived in Alabama, I was completely on my own — as was everyone else! It was entirely up to me to build a relationship with everyone and show them who I was. I found it much more difficult not being able to anchor myself as a member of my family. Maybe my closeness with them has stunted the whole growing up process — but not for too long. I am fortunately confident enough in my friend-making abilities now.
On the night of the Tuscaloosa family dinner, I sat back and let my two worlds collide in front of me. It was amazing! I had managed to build my little family here without my real family. It was very strange to see them meet as two groups that had coexisted in my life separately. This is what it feels like to be an adult and build a life away from my childhood home.
So I guess I got two for the price of one last week. I saw my mum after the longest time we've ever spent apart, and I learned what it's like to be like most other kids who have more separation between themselves and their parents than I do. It just shows exactly how much this experience is teaching me and causing me to grow from the beautiful sheltered home I was raised in.
