I wish I had learned these sooner.
It can be extremely tempting to reach out to your old partner, whether you got dumped, did the dumping, or mutually ended a relationship. Maybe you simply want to check-in and make sure they're okay, or perhaps it's 2 a.m. and you've taken one too many shots of vodka, so now you're convinced that you can win them back (I get it, we've all been there), but whatever the case might be you should definitely not reach out and here are a few reasons why:
1. Second Chances Don’t Work2Nd Chance Fah GIF by FoilArmsandHogGiphy
As someone who has given out her fair share of second chances, I can assure you that they don't end very well. As my mother likes to remind me: tigers can't change their stripes. If you were fortunate enough not to hear that while growing up, it really just means that people won't change. Think of it this way- a tiger change can't change the stripes on its body, and unfortunately, people are almost always the same way. If your ex claims they have changed, do yourself a favor and don't believe it, especially if it's been less than a year since you were together. Ending communication with an old S.O. blocks any possibility of a second chance, which I promise is a good thing.
2. You Can’t Find ClosureSeason 2 Breaking Up GIF by FriendsGiphy
Closure is something that people think comes from their ex, but I think you need to find it within yourself, and you can't do that if you're busy texting your ex after six months. The minute that someone ends a relationship is when you should begin to work on finding closure within yourself because you can't depend on anyone but yourself for true peace and happiness. You might think that talking things out with your ex will help you heal, but it only serves to prolong your heartache. In some instances, it can be helpful to talk with an old flame years after a relationship has ended, but if it's been less than 18 months, I would highly suggest not reaching out to your ex.
3. You Can’t Move OnOver It Reaction GIF by Shalita GrantGiphy
If you're out offering second chances or attempting to find closure through somebody else, then there's no way in hell that you'll be able to move on, and that's not fair to your or your old partner. If a relationship of yours ended, then it ended for a reason, so you should respect that and begin to work towards strengthening your current relationships and cultivating new ones. You owe it to yourself to move on, even if that means you're alone for a while. Don't hold yourself back by clinging to the past. Instead, focus on embracing the present and looking towards the future. Anyone who left you doesn't deserve to be a part of your future anyways.