I know I have all of these great things, but I can't get my spirits up enough to be happy about it
Being depressed has nothing to do with material possessions.
You can have the fancy car, all the money, and friends, and still feel depressed. You can have a million great things on your agenda and still feel that pit of sadness in your stomach at the end of the day. Or you can lay in bed with nothing to do all day and feel depressed.
You lose that motivation for something new a few days after, or you cancel plans that you were really excited about because you don't have that same excitement anymore.
I've already been told by someone that I have "nothing to be sad about" because I have things together. And they're right, I do have it somewhat together right now. I found a place to live with great roommates, I got a car, my dog is healthy, and I have an amazing boy by my side.
I've found in these past couple weeks that I'm still "sad."
I still can't seem to get myself up in the morning. I can't clean like I use to. I can't eat as I should. I don't have the motivation to get school work done or even get the positivity to go to work and see the dogs that I love very much.
Being told that I have everything makes me feel like nothing. I feel like a total failure when I can't even be happy about the things I have. I once had nothing, and I feel just as sad now as I did then.
I still get up in the morning's even if I don't want to, and I put that stupid smile on my face because that's what's expected of me. I hate it.
This article isn't meant to be some sort of sob story about how I have great things going in my life and that I'm never satisfied. I wouldn't change anything about what I have except my mental state through all of this.
I'm never good at expressing how I feel so this is my poor definition.
My happiness has always been short-lived my whole life. I was once told that I was "born into depression." The degradation that I went through as a child has torn me into a state where nothing can be enough for me. I can have a nice car, the great friends, roommates, and animals, but I'll never find joy. However, this doesn't mean that I don't love these things and appreciate all I have. It just means that I can't have that permanent happiness.
Having short term happiness means that I have motivation for 3 days, I'm excited for 3 days, but then I fall out of it.
I can't keep myself up and I won't let anyone in enough to help me or even attempt. I feel completely alone even though I know I'm not. I know I have all of these great things, but I can't get my spirits up enough to be happy about it. Something in me just wants to stay sad and that's what it feels like.
Those of us who have depression with nothing that leads to depression, it happens and we're doing our best so bear with us.