The Letter I Could Never Send
Things are never what they seem when you are young.
My Dearest,
You were upset when I put the pieces together. You were distressed when I asked you about it. You were frazzled when I tried to help.
Stop trying to hide the past. It has leaked into my future and is eating away at yours. I know you want to forget. I know you want to forget his cold fingers running across your face and the aggression in his voice as he told you to stay quiet. I don't want you to stay quiet. I want you to share this pain with me. I want you to know that he will never hurt you again. I want you to believe that you are safe, the way you have always tried to keep me safe.
The people who hurt you, the people who shamed you were also the people who promised to love you. I will never forget the pain when I heard her say, "That's what happens when boys and girls grow up together mija. Men belong in the home and sometimes women need to make sacrifices." I had a chill run down my spine as rage consumed my mind.
She should not have said that to me. She should not have said that to you. That is not the truth and you are not at fault. I know no one had shared these thoughts with you, but that is what I am trying to do.
You grew up in a home that did not value your heart, mind, and body. I grew up in a home of caution, irrational anger, and fear. You grew up not knowing trust, and you never trusted me. Please, stop hurting yourself and stop hurting me. The things your mother told you were wrong. This letter is acknowledging the same tragedy you have played over and over in your head since you were ten. However, I am here to silence the guilt and shame.
You were only a young girl when the world revealed its cruelty to you. You tried so hard to keep the world from breaking me, you tried so hard to not allow this to touch me. I am sorry but you cannot shield me when your own wounds are bleeding. You taught me to love, so let me aid you in loving yourself. These statements have always been shared with me and my own friends, and now I share them with you: This is not your fault. You are not to blame. You are valid in feeling hurt, anger, and pain. He will never hurt you again.
You have created a world of love for me out of misery. You have carved a pathway of innocence for me when yours was taken from you so long ago. You are a light in my life even when your family left you in the dark. You embody all that is good even when it had been so bad.
I love you with all that I am and all that you taught me to be. I hope you have begun to free yourself from the chains your mother tried to place on you and the shame he attempted to pass on to you.
Sincerely,
Your supporter
