To All The Ones I've Loved Before, Part VIII
I wish things didn't turn out the way they did.
Dear H,
It's been about a year since we first met. We were first introduced to each other through the poetry writing organization on our campus, and right away I knew you had a gift for writing.
I remember how I really wanted you to write for Odyssey because you were exactly what we were looking for.
After attempting and ultimately failing to get a group together for an open mic, we decided to go even if it was just the two of us.
After the most awkward hangout of both our lives, we decided to give it another try. After finding out we had the same best friend, it was fate!
We had countless great memories together. Between photo shoots in the woods, putting flowers in each other's hair, spending time at your place watching movies, long car rides at night, sharing our written work with each other (which I won't do with anyone else, which is ironic considering I voluntarily publish my work for complete strangers), trips to the mall and sushi dates, you quickly became my favorite person.
After admitting to you that I liked you, I was ecstatic to hear that you liked me back! It's usually one-sided with most people, so I was happy that it was mutual.
I knew we couldn't date right then and there given our conflicting summer schedules, but we were willing to build a bond, keep in contact during the summer and see what was what when we return for our last year of college.
Our last get-together will always be my favorite memory, hands-down. It was the absolute happiest day of my life. Even dropping my favorite boba tea on the concrete couldn't bring me down, and it was taro, too!
After we said good-bye and parted ways for summer vacation, I couldn't wait to reunite with you, hear all your stories and pick up right back where we left off.
When we got together 3 months later, it was as if I was meeting a completely different person.
I didn't know if the person I met in April was an act or if you'd just changed over the summer, but it was like I had no clue how to talk to you anymore.
Four-hour phone conversations turned into sitting next to each other in complete silence playing on our phones.
I went from being able to tell you anything to being timid about communicating any form of emotion to you because you acted like you didn't care.
That's when I started to push you away. I figured you were going to leave anyway, so I made it easier for you.
I now know that was my mistake. I now know how much it hurt you when I completely stopped responding to your messages, but I didn't know how to communicate that to you.
I didn't think you cared about me anymore.
I've wanted to talk everything out with you for a long time now, but you probably don't want to hear from me anymore since it's been so long.
If you do want to speak to me again, I will not ignore you this time.
I miss you every day, and I hope one-day things can improve between us. Life's too short to lose people, especially those that were as special as you.
I hope you're doing well, and good luck with your future.
Love, Sarah.
P.S. Happy early birthday.
Giphy
Giphy
