Poems included in this collection:

1. Phenomenal Woman
2. Who Turned You so Bitter
3. Beyond Looks
4. Yesterday Vs Today
5. Her Smile
6. Not Yet Escaped
7. Still I Rise

This collection of poetry is called 50 shades of Jamela. Each poem has various shades, even some that are left unwritten. Can you guess the shades left unsaid? It is an introduction to me. The good, the bad and the ugly. I bare my soul in the form of poetry in hopes that it may help someone. Whether that means putting a smile on someone's face or being a reminder that you are not alone. No struggle in this life goes unrewarded. If there were never any storms would you truly appreciate the beauty of the sun? Wear your scars proudly as they are a representation of the things you have overcome. Welcome to the 50 shades and beyond that is me.

Phenomenal Woman(inspired by Maya Angelou)
Shades:Strength, encouragement, confidence, empowerment & phenomenal

I am a phenomenal woman
with a smile so bright, people stop and stare
A smile that lights the darkest corners
and draws you in
A smile that makes you smile
and forget all your fears

I am a phenomenal woman
with long and lean legs
Not sculpted to perfection
because I don't really care to be the Barbie type
But rather a natural beauty
And I love what my hips and thighs do for me
The attention it garners
But there's so much more to me

I am a phenomenal woman
who also has brains
An intelligent sort
who always got good grades
A natural thirst for knowledge
because knowledge is power

I am a phenomenal woman
and I could list the reasons why all day
But as a phenomenal woman
I just want to say
When we allow ourselves the time to brag
We'll see the phenomenal woman that lies inside us all
so don' forget to smile and be phenomenal
because it's a gift God gave us all

Who turned you so bitter?
Shades: Failed relationships, reflections and hurt

I thought that you were perfect
or at least as close enough to perfect as a person could get
But when the facade faded
I was faced with the cold hard truth
You are a hurt person
And as history always repeats itself
Hurt people always hurt people
And I'm so sick of this cycle
But can I break though

Can I tear down these walls
And get to know the real you?
The You beneath the pain
The You beneath the heavy armor
You wear to protect you
I get that the world can be so cold
But who turned you so bitter?
Who turned you so pessimistic
That you would be blind to a person willing to give you unconditional love

And I don't judge you
But when your hurt becomes the cause of my pain
I have to wonder
Harsh words stabbed through my heart
Like sharp daggers
Heart weak
Tears flowing
Unable to speak
Seeking retreat
I get that the world can be so cold
But who turned you so bitter?

Too afraid to let a little love in
And what should I do?
Try harder?
Allow myself to be a punching bag?
But how many blows can I take
Before your coldness and bitterness plagues me
I know that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all
But how much is one willing to sacrifice
And once again I ask
I get that the world can be so cold
But who turned you so bitter?

Beyond looks
Shades: Confidence and self-worth

Pardon me if I'm not flattered or entertained by your cat calls
Or your compliments on my body
You see I may have a "big booty" as you have so eloquently mentioned
But I have a mind just as big
I rather someone who can stimulate my mind
Rather than someone who can stimulate my body
Because it gets old quick

And there is nothing sexier than someone who is intelligent
With a desire for more knowledge
And pardon me if I am a woman who knows her worth
And knows that settling for your demeaning cry for my attention
Will get me nowhere

I'm not after a one night stand
I'm not after a fling
And anyone with such little respect for women
Really doesn't deserve my attention
So please pardon my back
And feel free to say that I am stuck up
A bitch or whatever insults help you sleep at night
Because at the end of the day
I know that I am a woman who knows my worth
And I won't settle for less

Yesterday vs today
Shades: Betrayal, dishonesty, rape, self-shame, strength & recovery

Yesterday you took my smile
Yesterday you took my sense of self worth and dignity
Yesterday you took my ability to laugh
And all because you were selfish and greedy
You ignored my voice and instead silenced me
I felt the pain as you pressed in
And the wound left as you betrayed me
Ah but that is yesterday's news

Today I have claimed it all back
My smile, my worth, my dignity and my laugh
It is mine and you can not have it
I will not give you the power to steal it again
I will not give you the power to make me bitter
Rather I will thank you for making me stronger
Because stars can't shine without the darkness

Her Smile
Shades: Resilience, dishonesty & pain

She wears a smile
But you would never know that beneath that smile
Lies a well full of pain
A well full of disappointment, loneliness, frustration and physical pain
Oh how her heart aches to truly smile again
But it's hard to find light
In the darkness
And yes she's tried swimming
Only to drown again
Within her lies a warrior
And though her artificial smile
May not signify happiness
It signifies her resilience
And an ability to keep fighting
Keep smiling even when she is at her darkest

Not yet escaped
Shades: alcohol addiction & love

I thought that I was over you
That I had worked you out of my system
But one kiss and taste of your lips
And I was a slave once again to you
You elevated me on a level that I didn't know any other way of reaching
You freed my mind and soul
And maybe that's why I always go back to you

Retreat to your warm embrace
When I feel you enter me it's almost as if we become one
We are intertwined and you soothe me
I quit you like a bad habit
Cold turkey

But you always find a way to ease back into my life
And I'm never sad about it
I rejoice in your presence
Because no matter what anyone says
You make me feel good
You make me feel alive
And so I take another taste of you
Until I've reached cloud 9

Still I rise (inspired by Maya Angelou)
shades: Pain, strength, resilience & confidence

I have been many things
harsh words swung at me like a sword ready to conquer and kill
I have had my innocence stolen from me by those I called my family
i have been hit, spit at and abused as though it would steal my light and joy
Yet despite it all I rise

I have battled homelessness
Beat it only to be drawn back in
But the battle is never over, because I refuse to quit
and I still rise above it all and keep pressing on

You see despite my darkened past
I find reason to smile
A smile that draws in even the gruimpiest of grumps

You see despite my darkened past
I choose not to give up on life
Won't say I never tried
But look at me, I survived

You see despite my darkened past
I still sashay and walk with my head held high
knowing that I have a precious jewel inside

I rise like air
Never to be defeated
Refusing to quit
And dare I say it?
The girls got grit

I rise above adversity
I rise above inequalities
i rise above the pain
I rise
I rise
I rise
and I don't stop rising