I cannot believe it has been over two years since you have passed away. The thought of you even leaving this earth still makes my skin crawl. I half expect you to walk around the corner from the kitchen when I come down for breakfast on Sundays.
We did not always get along, that I think this is what I regret most. I would push your hand away when you would try to hold it when crossing the street. You would tell me I looked beautiful and I would tell you to shut up. You would try to help me with something and I would shove you away. These are the things I miss the most. Your voice, your touch, your smile, your presence.
I remember the day we lost you like it was yesterday. I stopped at Saladworks and Dunkin Donuts and was on the way home to my apartment. I had called mom because I was in such a great mood and it was sunny out for a November day. Her voice was in a panic, she couldn't reach you and she had gotten a call from a ranger at Hawk Mountain. I wasn't worried though, you always went off by yourself.
5 minutes later I got the call. You were gone. Just like that. You were taken from us, ripped out of our world. I began to cry. It was a cry I have never experienced before and felt like it would never stop.
I miss you all the time. I get so jealous when I see my friends give their dads a hug or a kiss. Or that they get to celebrate Father's Day or their Dad's birthdays. My heart aches that you will never be able to walk me down the aisle or dance with me at my wedding. I wished so much you could have been there for my master's graduation, your other daughter's graduation and soon your son's wedding.
There is so much in life I want to share with you, it is not fair that you left us so soon. The question I always ask is why? Why did you have to leave? I often blame myself for the way I acted towards you, and then I remember that I am human and we all make mistakes.
I wanted to write you this letter and tell you that I am sorry. I am sorry for all the times I yelled at you. I am sorry for all the times I was rude or mean to you. But most of all, I am sorry for all the times I didn't say I love you.
I love you and miss you Dad. I wish you were here.
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