How to Finish a Magazine Article One Hour Before Your Deadline.
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

How to Finish a Magazine Article One Hour Before Your Deadline.

An article about writing articles when you really need to write an article.

How to Finish a Magazine Article One Hour Before Your Deadline.

So, maybe you’ve mismanaged your time, maybe you were doing other things, but the fact of the matter is that you need to write an article and it’s near the deadline. But you need not worry, new friend, because we here at the Odyssey are happy to provide you with a list of MUST DO things if you need to write that article at the last minute. So without farther ado, let’s begin… 

Step 1: Include a relatively unnecessary introduction

This is an imperative if you want to fill out any prospective word count. While most people will skip it and go straight to the meat of the article, a wordy introduction is a great thing to add if you are running out of time and need to really beef up your “article”. Most people will feel it’s unnecessary, and they’re right! But that’s not the point, this is your article and you can do what you damn well please! What is “real” writing anyway? Right? 

Step 2: Add an exorbitant amount of bullet points.

This one is only for lists, but if you are writing something at the last minute (which you are, I know you, you lazy bastard) a list is what you need to go for! You can just add any combination of random bullet points and call it a list. Really, you can. It’s in the bible. You just have to make sure that you flesh out the bullet points with any variation of relatively inane details validating the existence of the bullet and you’re golden! Just make sure no one notices the trick you are pulling, or you’ll seem like an unprofessional lazy hack lacking in any academic or artistic integrity.

 Step 3: Add unnecessary points in order to make it seem like you have a greater opinion on the matter.          

This one is pretty important. What you need to do is really make the reader believe that you are passionate about whatever you are writing about. It doesn’t matter if you couldn’t give less of a sh*t about the rare aboriginal miniature penguin (or even know what it is, for that matter) because for these few paragraphs you are so unbelievably passionate about the rare aboriginal who-gives-a-sh*t that you can hardly take a breath! Writing is about tricking the reader into thinking you actually have something of substance to say, but you (yeah you) and me know that those other articles are all just filler to save the authors ass from an impending deadline.

 Step 4: Go on tangents.              

Now, if you hit empty on all this creativity stuff you do still have a couple of options. Think of yourself like a bouncy-ball hurtling at terminal velocity towards rock bottom: now you could either bounce straight back up in a boring rebound (thereby saving any semblance of cohesiveness your obligatory article didn’t have in the first place) or you could hit a pebble of inspiration and go careening out into the left field, thereby hitting another rock causing an avalanche of bullsh*t that is then surfed by a passing group of drunken Irish daredevils on the run from the CIA and the KGB…my point being that you shouldn’t  limit yourself to things that “make sense” or “are actually clever/funny”. Tangents take words, and that is the important thing. 

 Step 5: Have Fun.               

Fine, sure, I get it, you have no more ideas at all. You’ve hit empty on the creative gauge and all you want to do is crawl into bed with a bottle of vodka and your old high school track trophies (your words, not mine). But did that stop George Washington from crossing the English Channel to fight the Belgians? No! Because you as a writer are allowed to make everything up! Take that in for a moment, you are the master of your domain, the king of your castle, the magician at the gates! You can write whatever you want and pretend it’s a thing, no matter how far-fetched or factually impossible. Bill Clinton has a third nipple? Your great-grandfather once made love to Stonewall Jackson? You are inventor of the bowling shoe? IT CAN ALL BE TRUE. And with this new-found power to write whatever you want you are finally able to finish your article exactly how you planned to when you started it: one hour before your deadline. Congratulations. You’re the best.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

college students waiting in a long line in the hallway

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments