Going To College And Trying To Make Friends As An Introvert Is Impossible

Going To College And Trying To Make Friends As An Introvert Is Impossible

As if making friends in high school wasn't hard enough.

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Going away to college is scary enough. It's even worse when you're an introvert. I've never been terrible at making friends, I've just been selective. If I'm around a lot of people with a lot of energy for a long amount of time, I start to stress and shut down. But making friends in high school is a lot easier than making friends in college. In high school, you're thrown into a class with 20 or more other kids your age and are given time to freely speak to each other. You then spend the next eight hours surrounded by pretty much the same group of kids. You bond over things like hating the teacher and what guy is cute.

College is a little different. The first person you meet and probably the first person you'll consider a friend is your roommate. Hopefully, you develop a good relationship as you'll be living together for the next nine months and will have to spend quite some time together. Then there's a weird limbo in between the time you move in and the time classes start. You are constantly meeting new people-- the people on your floor, the friends of the people you meet, who you sit next to in orientation lectures, the girls in the bathroom. But you probably won't feel a connection with any of them and this can be draining for an introvert. Small talk sucks and that's what the first few weeks of college are. You complain about the water pressure in the shower and talk about what guy is cute. Then you start to realize it's not that different from being an introvert in high school.

Eventually, classes will start and you find some people that have some of the same interests. Then you start joining clubs and you find even more people with even more interests. And, unlike high school, you can remove yourself. The most socially draining part of high school was constantly having to be surrounded by people who wanted to talk. In college, if you're not in class, you can very easily find silence and solitude in your dorm or a coffee shop or an abandoned corner of the library.

Being in an introvert in college is about putting in the time to be a productive introvert. Spend the first couple of weeks feeling people out. Listen to what people say when they do those annoying icebreakers; maybe they like the same band or TV show. Being an introvert in college is about finding a few friends that you enjoy being around and that don't drain you and sticking with them.

Being away from the people and the life you are used to is scary and overwhelming, but learning how to function in a new place by yourself is one of the greatest adventures of all time. And always remember that everyone else around you is just as lost, so just take a breath and enjoy the ride.

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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How To Cope With A Best Friend Breakup


Breaking up with a boyfriend is one thing, but breaking up with your best friend is a whole new level of heartbreak.

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We all know breakups can be tough, but when that breakup happens to be between you and your best friend, things reach a new level of heartbreak. I met my best friend junior year of high school after our Spanish teacher randomly assigned us to be partners; we struggled so much in that class but in the end, we truly became inseparable. When senior year rolled around we were still close as ever; people would often joke that we were sisters because we looked and acted so much alike. We would go on little dates together, go to parties together, and were always the first person we called when something "major happened."

When my best friend's boyfriend of four years cheated on her while we were spring breaking in Europe, it became my duty to make her feel better; I would randomly drop off flowers and little notes to her house, spend countless hours just listening to her cry and vent, and even stopped talking to people associated with her boyfriend so as to show my "support." All of these things were no big deal to me considering I loved this girl like a sister; whatever she needed I was there to give that to her.

Things soon took a sharp turn when we entered not only the same college but the same sorority. While I was struggling with the social aspect of FSU, my best friend soon found new best friends. When I started having major issues with my boyfriend, I would automatically text/call my best friend as she did with me, but instead of support, I got the sense that she was passive and uninterested. Our little dates and goofy inside jokes disappeared and reappeared between her and her new friends, and my comfortableness around her soon turned into insecurity.

Coming to terms with the fact that the girl I knew everything about is now basically a stranger was a hard one to overcome; I didn't want to accept the fact that my best friend decided it was time to find new ones. It's heartbreaking knowing that the special things you shared with a person are now being shared with others, and it's hard to accept the fact that you aren't wanted or needed by the one person you thought would be by your side forever.

Since school has ended I think I have accepted the fact that we're no longer what we used to be. Of course, it still stings when I see social media posts with her new, college friends, but I just have to remind myself that this is part of life and I just have to move on. I will forever cherish the memories I made with her, but it's time to acknowledge that they were made with someone in my past, not with someone in my present.

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