Dear Best Friend,

Thank you for standing by my side on the worst day of my life. You reminded me that you would always be around and you wouldn't have missed this day for the world, even if it was terrible. You watched me marry a man who couldn't even speak to you with one ounce of respect and I will always be grateful for your grace that day.

I am so sorry I stopped talking to you for a while when I came home after leaving him.

To be honest with you, there are no excuses, but I couldn't even speak to myself. There are things I wanted to say, but I couldn't admit to myself that I was strong enough to do it.

Yet here you are.

You still stand by me and pick up as if nothing has happened. You treat me like I haven't changed even though I feel like I am losing my mind some days. I can play cards with you and everything seems much better now, but as soon as I get in my car I can't forget the things he said to everyone in the church that day.

I will not always text you back.

I promise you I want to, but even though it has been eleven months I still have bad days and I am sorry I won't tell you about them. They are hard to tell my therapist about without breaking into tears.

Part of me wants you to see me as okay.

I want you to see that I came back on my feet and what happened didn't effect me, but that's just a lie. I write posts about recovery when I don't even know if I can get out of it. So know that when I am telling you that I am okay, I want you to see me as okay even if I am not.

Don't take any of this wrong.

You are not a reminder of the worst days, but my hope that something good will come of this and the true supporters will stay. I am so sorry that sometimes I go missing in action, but trust me when I say that you mean the world to me.

Thank you for always listening even though the stories are hard to hear.

Thank you for pretending like everything is normal with me when we both know it isn't. Thank you for not leaving me when I cancel on plans one too many times. Thank you for being the best friend a girl could ever have. I hope you stick around a little longer for me.

Love,

Maggie