An Open Letter To the Girl With Scars to Her Beautiful:Surviving OCD
Start writing a post
Health Wellness

An Open Letter To the Girl With Scars to Her Beautiful:Surviving OCD

27
An Open Letter To the Girl With Scars to Her Beautiful:Surviving OCD

6 months ago I was completely lost, desperately searching the internet for something like this, a glimmer of hope in a time where everything around me was darkness. From the outside, everything in my life looked perfect. I was in grad school pursuing a job that I absolutely love, I had an amazing circle of friends and a supportive family, and I had just finished up my very first clinical which had given my life a whole new meaning. But underneath it all, I had so many scars that were just waiting to come to the surface.

For those of you who don't know what OCD feels like -remember that nightmare that felt so incredibly real that you woke up sweating and panicking and it took ages for you to realize that it was just a dream? Well, that's pretty close to what living with OCD feels like, except you never wake up and the nightmare never ends. It starts so innocently -being a bit overcautious with washing your hands, avoiding overcrowded places, keeping your place a little too neat, checking your lock a couple extra times just to make sure its locked (I mean a single girl can't be too careful, right) -until before you realize it, what you thought were quirks have become obsessions and your life has been reduced to a never ending ritual. Before you know it, your ever racing thoughts block out everything else in your life -you isolate yourself from the people you love, you start lying about what you were doing because you don't want anyone to judge you, you start to lose focus on the things that used to matter most to you, you start to have to make excuses for the physical signs of those countless rituals, and you lose your faith, your sanity, and worst of all yourself. I was completely and utterly terrified all of the time and it got to the point were just going to class seemed like an insurmountable task. I felt like everything that I was and everything that I had worked so hard for was slipping through my fingers -and there was nothing that I could do to stop it. And trust me, it's not something that you can just "snap out of" as some people in my life so eloquently put it. Not even the most self loathing of people would choose this living hell for themselves - OCD is a more powerful and controlling abuser than you could ever imagine.

Don't worry -I haven't forgotten about that hope part! Four months ago I made the hardest and smartest decision of my life: accepting the fact that I needed help. And boy was it hard: I didn't want the stigma, I didn't want to accept the fact that I couldn't do this on my own, I didn't even want to think about going on a medication (I'm the girl who won't even take Tylenol), and I didn't want to put a label to what I was going through. But as soon as I took that first step, I gained someone who was willing to stand and fight beside me every step of the way. She was able to help me understand what was happening in my body and provide and connect me with the resources that I needed. I won't lie to you -it's a long and difficult road to recovery. I went through hell my first two months of treatment, but one day you'll wake up and realize that you feel a little bit better than you did the day before. And eventually you'll find yourself being amazed at the experiences that are no longer too much for you to handle. It is an incredible journey of simple "firsts" that mean more than anyone else will ever be able to understand, because you know how it feels to have them all taken away.

If you're reading this and thinking that my story sounds like yours, know that you are not alone, none of this is your fault, you have the bravery and strength inside of you to make it through this, and YOU ARE WORTH FIGHTING FOR. And don't be afraid to open up about what you are going through to those closest to you. You certainly don't need to tell everyone if you aren't ready, but it helps more than you can imagine to have the family or friends that you chose to confide in by your side. And as for me, well, I'm coming out of the shadows. I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - and if I ever want to reach a place of self love and acceptance, then I need to own every aspect of myself. OCD is and will always be a part of who I am (I have the scars to prove it), but it is no longer the one with the power in this relationship. I am.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

934602
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

111208
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lots of people sat on the cinema wearing 3D glasses
Pinterest

Ever wonder what your friend meant when they started babbling about you taking their stapler? Or how whenever you ask your friend for a favor they respond with "As You Wish?" Are you looking for new and creative ways to insult your friends?

Well, look no further. Here is a list of 70 of the most quotable movies of all time. Here you will find answers to your questions along with a multitude of other things such as; new insults for your friends, interesting characters, fantastic story lines, and of course quotes to log into your mind for future use.

Keep Reading...Show less
New Year Resolutions

It's 2024! You drank champagne, you wore funny glasses, and you watched the ball drop as you sang the night away with your best friends and family. What comes next you may ask? Sadly you will have to return to the real world full of work and school and paying bills. "Ah! But I have my New Year's Resolutions!"- you may say. But most of them are 100% complete cliches that you won't hold on to. Here is a list of those things you hear all around the world.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

The Ultimate Birthday: Unveiling the Perfect Day to Celebrate!

Let's be real, the day your birthday falls on could really make or break it.

61695
​different color birthday candles on a cake
Blacksburg Children's Museum

You heard it here first: birthdays in college are some of the best days of your four years. For one day annually, you get to forget about your identity as a stressed, broke, and overworked student, and take the time to celebrate. You can throw your responsibilities for a day, use your one skip in that class you hate, receive kind cards and gifts from loved ones and just enjoy yourself.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments