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relationships
Talking To Someone New When Your Heart Is In Pieces
Got a broken heart, but want to start fresh?
19 February 2019
161
I think the worst thing is to actually feel the gates being set up, guarding your heart, but you wish you can knock them down. Personally, I have always been an "open-book" person, so when you asked, "Do you trust me?" I said yes. I really do trust you, that's the thing. Sadly, my past makes me think I can't trust anyone again. I strongly mean it when I say, "It's not you."
My motto is: "I trust everyone until they give me a reason not to anymore."
I stand by that, but recently, following through with it is harder than just saying it. It's one thing to know you have trust issues, but it's another to know you don't, but somehow can't let yourself be fully open anymore. You don't even notice you change into being this shelled person. It just happens. One day, you are telling everyone your past, and the next, you try to forget it even existed.
However, who says this new person has to know your whole past. That's the thrill in it being "new." You can tell them the pieces of stories you are comfortable with saying out loud.
Everyone has "baggage" you can say, but it's how you execute yourself to someone new.
Someone breaks your heart, but there is someone always out there to put it back together again. Now, once you crack something and glue it back together, the cracks still show. No one says you have to begin on a new, clean slate, but also, no one says you have to show other people your cracks if you don't want to.
It will always be scary and different when you first meet someone who knows nothing about you, including your history with others. Therefore, that new person will be there to put you back together, without even knowing you are broken.
Different is never simple, but who says it's not good.
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Student Life
To The Post-Graduate Worried About The Future
Life's not over, it's only just beginning.
16 January 2019
143
Alexa Warford
Dear New Graduate,
Congratulations! Take a moment to bask in the awesomeness that is you and reflect on those years you spent working your ass off in college. You did it. Despite every roadblock and obstacle, you persisted. You walked across the stage, proudly represented your school's colors, shook hands with the President, and glided off the stage with the most expensive piece of paper you will probably ever own. Graduation was the cherry on top of an already magical experience at college and now that you've had time to take it all in, you're probably worried.
You've probably realized that while the afterlife of graduation is less stressful in a way, it's not the same as college. You've either moved back into your childhood bedroom or you've moved out of your college apartment to somewhere different. Either way, your college friends aren't around. They aren't there to pop over at 10 pm just to chat, they aren't there to drag you out to the bars after you've had a bad day, and they aren't there to go on a Taco Bell run in your free time. Not only is it weird not constantly being surrounded by your friends, but it's also weird not staying up until 4 am.
Now that you're home and no longer have both school and work to balance, you can actually go to bed at a decent time. In fact, you need to go to bed at a decent time now so you can actually function at your adult job. You now have the decent sleep schedule and moments to your self like you what prayed for the first week of freshman year when you just wanted college to be over. Your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and co-workers were all right: college is the best time of your life.
What is important to know is that college is the best time of your life so far. Yes, everything familiar has been stripped away once again just like when you graduated from high school. It doesn't seem life can get any more fun than college but you have to remember you felt the same way about high school and you survived.
While it seems like reality is a scary place, it's where we put to work our newly discovered selves and our new college-educated brains. It's work that's not a lie and yes there will be many ups and downs as you build this new life of yours from the ground up but it's worth it. What is the point of life if we never challenge ourselves or grow as human beings? No part of your life will ever be just like college (unless you go back for another degree) but that doesn't mean the fun is over. You're going to meet new people, see new places, buy a house, fall in love (maybe a few times), build a career, and maybe have a few kids.
Every new path you cross will be new and exciting in their own way. Most importantly, know that you will always have people behind you who will love and support you no matter what life brings. Lean on them when times get tough and they will be there to celebrate with you when life is going great!
You're in no rush to have certain experiences by a certain time, so enjoy them. Don't worry about not having your dream job right out of the gate, everyone starts at the bottom and works their way up. You are the master of your life now. Don't get stuck in the past but instead look towards the future. With your new degree, you can now add your contributing piece to make society a better place.
Be proud of yourself and keep your head held high because while one chapter has been finished, another has just begun. You've got this!
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Student Life
To Anyone Going Through Big Changes, Everything Is Going To Be Ok
Don't let the stress of change blind you from the excitement of the future.
12 November 2018
215
https://www.pexels.com/photo/silhouette-of-person-walking-1046896/
Change is one of the hardest things in life. We're creatures of habit, so change can often be really uncomfortable. I personally hate change, but I never had to deal with its fiery wrath until my family began the process of moving about a year and a half ago.
Things were rough for me when the topic of moving came up. I was finishing high school and already had the stress of finding a college and picking a major on my back. My family wasn't just planning on moving a town over, we were planning a move multiple states away to the south. By the time we put our house up, I was in college. I was both excited about a new beginning in a new state with new people, but also dreaded the idea of actually moving.
The stress weighed on me like crazy and only got worse when we had buyers. The time between selling our old house and buying a new one feels like a blur to me. There was a constant anxiety about not feeling settled. Beyond that, I had to transfer to both a job and a college in our new state. The stress of money was absolutely crippling. The first month or so after I moved felt so hard because there were a million things to do.
By now I've almost been here a year, and it's been so much better. I'm settled in a job with great coworkers, I go to a school I really enjoy, and I live in a more exciting place with opportunities to grow. I don't think I would have as many opportunities in my old town.
Comparing myself to last year makes me kind of laugh. I couldn't even imagine being so relaxed and settled like I am now. The change I went through was so rough and scary because there was so much left in the unknown. I know so many young people are going through big changes right now, and I really want it to be known that the pain and stress and confusion is worth the end result.
Take the stress of change one day at a time. Remember to look ahead and get excited about the future. Don't let the stress from change take over. Take time for yourself and make sure to express your feelings of fear and anxiety to others. You're going to be okay, everything is going to work out the way it's supposed to.
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Student Life
Don't Be Afraid To Start Over
"As long as you're not finished, you can start all over again."
30 October 2018
1977
Megan Turner
Don't be afraid to start all over again, even if you're alone. Don't be afraid to start over in your life after a relationship, or come across a new opportunity. My starting over was when my ex and I said our goodbye. Like all good things, they must come to an end. Sometimes, they end in flames.
I met my ex on Tinder before senior year of high school. We were madly, deeply in love. The first date, we went to a local arcade because the mall was closed. The second, she spent the night while sick with Mono, and I took care of her. Months passed, and it was by far the best relationship I had. Things were great, happy, in love. We had a breakup shortly before Valentines Day but got back together.
We got back together, and we were happy again, in love. We went to concerts together, trips, adventures. I proposed to her in the pouring rain at a concert that was her favorite band. Time passed. We adopted a dog. We were planning on moving in together. She broke the engagement off over text while I was at work because she had to work on herself. Information I didn't know until I had begun moving on. Two months passed, and I waited for her. I waited for her to come back. When I was done waiting and began to move on, she came back. I let her.
This time around, things were different. Negative. Awkward. Nothing was the way it used to be. We both did things that hurt each other. We lied to each other, cheated, and broke each other's hearts. We adopted another dog.
One day, when she was feeling down, I brought her flowers, I brought our first dog, her favorite snacks, a photo album of all of our favorite memories. I waited for hours at her apartment to surprise her. Make her day. She brought home a new guy. But even after I found her with another guy, I never gave up on her. I never stopped fighting for the love we once had. Even after the lies that she told, I never stopped fighting. Even after catching her with him multiple times, I never gave up.
The day I stopped fighting was the day that she told me she wasn't seeing anyone, that she still loved me and wanted to be with me. She hugged and kissed me goodbye. Because it was the same day I found out she was dating the guy she "wasn't friends with any more" and "Didn't talk to any more."
Its okay to fall back down. One's friends and family will pick you back up again. Its okay to unsuccessfully cope with infidelity. It's okay to hurt and cry yourself to sleep. It's okay to walk around feeling numb, but it isn't okay to let yourself feel that hurt for months. It will eat you alive. It's easy to lose yourself in all the pain. It's easy to lose a good heart. Don't give them the satisfaction of taking that from you too.
I learned that you'll meet a lot of girls, you'll hook up with even more but none will fix the hurt. One day, one will come along and she will show you what it's like to feel whole again. She will understand why you're broken, and hesitant. Afraid. But, she will also hold your hand, look you in the eye and tell you that she will be there every step of the way. She will look at every tattoo on your skin, every scar, and understand every story.
It will be hard to let go of what once was. Sometimes it takes months, years to get back to the person you once were. But, one day, you will realize you never understood what you saw in that person, and it is freeing. You'll delete all the pictures, unfollow all the playlists (Even that new one she made about being broken hearted and missing you), and move on to a better chapter of your life.
Don't be afraid to move to a new city, start a new life, meet new people, make new friends. Don't be afraid to forgive. Perhaps forgiveness is all that is needed to truly start all over again. Forgive, but don't forget, she's not the one coming back for you. A person's actions at the end of a relationship speak true to their character.
In the words of Will Smith, and my father, "ain't no pain like from the opposite sex, gonna hurt bad, but don't take it out on the next, son."
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Life Stages
Atlantic City, If You Want New Jersey Tourism To Survive, Focus More On Your Beaches And Landmarks And Less On Gambling
Starting over in North Jersey and bringing incentive to new tourism businesses to come in through potentially lower taxes and other ways would not take too long and could have a lot potential to solve the issue.
08 October 2018
49
Tourism is the third leading industry in New Jersey, thus being a significant aspect of the New Jersey economy. One of the areas that play a significant role in this booming business is Atlantic City, one of the biggest tourist attractions in the world. Possessing a large variety of leisure, unique and captivating casinos and the longest boardwalk in the world, Atlantic City pulls in tourists of all kind all over the world and is well considered to be the east version of Chicago, St. Louis, and Las Vegas concerning gambling. Adding that with its fair closeness to New York City, Manhattan, and Brooklyn, Atlantic City was an easily accessible place for many to visit.
However, because of various other casinos growing and the failure of Atlantic City to expand their gambling, it is on the brink of losing out to its nearby competitors such as in Pennsylvania. Through this, various tourism businesses have taken advantage of and succeeded enormously. In total, the tourism industry has brought in a record 43.4 billion dollars in revenue in 2015, which is a stark contrast to the $9 billion back in 2005. Simply put, New Jersey's reliance upon this industry is far greater than most states and cannot afford even the slightest dip in production from these two key areas.
Atlantic City's issues have started well before its current turmoil that occurs today. In 2013 alone, the casinos in Atlantic City were only to produce a total of 235 million dollars, which was 35% worse than the earnings made from last year. Taking into consideration that the grand gambling location attempted to vamp production by introducing online gambling and 2012 had Hurricane Sandy ravage the entire east coast of New Jersey, the significant decrease of earnings calls for even greater concern. The following year in 2014, Revel, the new casino that was supposed to be the savior to Atlantic City's troubles, was ultimately put into bankruptcy and for sale. In 2015, three other large casinos were filed for bankruptcy while 2016 saw the largest casino located in Atlantic City in Borgata fail to pay its monthly property tax bill which resulted in massive deficits in tax money which is used for Atlantic City schools and social services throughout the state.
The actual living conditions in Atlantic City are even worse than the casino's business. Although one would believe the various companies would open up hundreds of jobs, the failure of these businesses to make money lead to an alarming 14% unemployment rate which contributes to more than 30% of the people living there live under the poverty as well. Many of these glaring statistics still remain in effect in 2018.
Because of these problems, various detrimental effects are negatively inflicting New Jersey. Losing businesses and jobs by the hundreds, the New Jersey economy is suffering a principal source of tax money that they received through tourism. The number of unemployed people would also significantly increase and call for a more significant increase in the number of social services for these people who have had their job displaced. However, because a large portion of social services come directly from the gambling tax in Atlantic City and other areas, these programs slowly lose the ability to help everyone that needs it.
So, a larger unemployment group along with smaller social services to provide will lead to the further demise of the Garden State. Also, the difficulty of replacing tourism with another industry to cover up what tourism had done would be astronomical. New Jersey lacks the funds and the current businesses to bring in more money and beat out the other states that specialize in other industries.
A potential solution is to focus on alternative sources of entertainment for Atlantic City and the other tourist locations. While gambling is the primary reason tourists wanted to travel to Atlantic City, there are various other reasons to come into this tourist hotspot. Specifically, focusing on maintaining the high-quality beaches and the animals that live in these areas that New Jersey possesses should be the top priority. These beaches are aesthetically pleasing to view and keeping these both ecological and economic treasures intact would be essential. Other areas to utilize to attract more tourists would be the various historical locations from the Revolutionary War. Another solution to solve this issue would be to restore what Atlantic City was in a different position. Starting over in North Jersey and bringing incentive to new tourism businesses to come in through potentially lower taxes and other ways would not take too long and could have a lot of potential to solve the issue.
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