Mediocre Movie Reviews By Luanne
"Reviewing" Sharknado with a heaping scoop of gossip on the side.
Attending college is an amazing privilege. There are so may ways to grow and develop into a better person. As a writer, one of the best ways I grow is through the work assigned by my professors, and the feedback as a result of it. I wrote this piece in one of my English classes and grew especially fond of the character, Luanne. This funny, old woman writes to her neighbor across the hall to review the movie, Sharknado, but gets distracted with her gossip. Her character is extremely exaggerated through her excessive complaining, gossiping, and criticism. These qualities of Luanne resemble the uncontrollably sassy, old lady persona I am when I don't get enough sleep. With this connection, came the responsibility to share Luanne's story with a broader audience. That is where this article comes in. It is my hopes that you will leave this page with a smile on your face, just as I smiled every second I was writing it. Thanks for joining me on this crazy journey of self-discovery through writing, and welcome to Luanne's world:
Eleanor Marie Davis,
Send help. I am writing this letter to you in the company of my grandchildren, who came to visit me at Serenity Pines. Damn disgraces. You have to agree with me. When I tell you what they put me through, you will understand. You get me in that way. Remember talking about how youngsters are changing? That is what I am writing to you about.
Matthias showed me something on the telly. He called it Sharknado. He begged and whined to watch it until I accepted his suggestion. I would miss The Laurence Welk Show, but I am a Grandmother who wants her grandchildren to live without the restrictions she had.
Thinking back, I should have said "no." Heaven knows my daughter doesn't say it; sleeping in doesn't allow room for parenting. But, watching Sharknado was as if I had to attend water aerobics, and they let Beatrice join the class. We know that leads to poop in the pool!
Watching Sharknado was like my heart attack after I found out my dearest daughter was marrying Doyle, the deadbeat in our town. It stole the life out of me; or what I have left.
The acting wasn't as good as Charlie Chaplin's. No one can beat that legend, and the sharks were the devil himself.
Sharknado was filled with sharks. I hated it. When my family used to go to the zoo, Daddy held me up against the shark tank while one of those demons came at me; I have trust issues now. The sharks on the screen reminded me of that.
Also, the sound hurt my hearing aids. I kept telling Matthias to turn it down, but then I couldn't hear the words. Damn technology.
While some movies leave a taste of shit in your mouth, Sharknado gave me Halitosis. It made me gag. Eleanor, I implore that you don't burn your eyeballs and save your brain space for classical music.
I hope you respond. I have been missing your feedback. Nurse Jackie says you are on vacation and she looks at me like she does her hurt cat. She doesn't know that I hear the whispers and that I saw them take your name off the door. I know there is a Serenity Pines conspiracy. Your family was jealous of our relationship. I will start planning my escape to find you if I don't receive your response.
Your Friend,
Luanne
