My boyfriend’s friend’s girlfriend…is my friend?
In recognition of the surprising friendships that result from being the only women in the room.
Meeting new friends through old ones is a tried and true way to make connections. After all, the two of you already have one thing in common: your mutual friend. It’s a safe bet to think that the kind of person who gets along with your loved one will also get along with you.
In this post, I want to recognize a more non-traditional path to friendship, one that often has quite awkward beginnings— making friends with the other “girlfriend,” in a room full of your partner’s male friends.
I’m sure this phenomenon takes similar forms no matter what the genders of said partners, but today I’m talking about the woman dating a man point-of-view. It’s all too familiar to show up to a get-together of your boyfriend’s friends, with all their shared interests and inside jokes, and feel like you’re the odd one out. It’s important to get to know your partner’s inner circle, of course— but let’s be honest. It’s not easy to be the only woman in a room full of loud male strangers who’ve known each other for years.
Your boyfriend might notice you struggling. Then, he gets the perfect idea to save you from your social awkwardness— introducing you to his buddy’s girlfriend.
You and her will be expected to sit and talk for most of the night while the guys do their thing. After all, why wouldn’t you get along? You’re both…women.
I used to balk at the idea of the girls being shoved in a corner while the guys got to catch up. I expressed my irritation to my friends, talking about how annoying it was that I’d be expected to spend the whole night with another random girl just because we shared the same gender. For all they knew, we had far more in common with one of the guys than we had with each other.
Then, I met one of my best friends through her boyfriend, who was one of my boyfriend’s best friends. We were introduced to each other at a get-together where we were the only women present. I felt my usual irritation at this scenario at first, but as we got to know each other, it melted away.
This girl was smart, funny, and compassionate— all traits I valued in my friends. We shared similar interests and future goals. We could even laugh about the similar traits our partners shared.
We talked for hours, and I left that party eagerly looking forward to the next one.
As the weeks went by, we soon exchanged phone numbers and began texting and hanging out on our own time. We didn’t wait for our boyfriends to want to hang out before we saw each other. And when we did get together in a big group, our partners often remarked that they felt like they were third wheels— that’s how close we’d become.
When my boyfriend and I hit a rough patch and broke up, it was this girl whose house I stayed at for a week. She helped me pick up the pieces when I was completely down in the dumps…and I never would have met her if not for that initial awkward scenario of being the only two women in the room.
Today, I’m always excited to meet the partners of my boyfriend’s friends. I’ve met two of my closest friends through those kinds of introductions, and we’ve known each other for going on two years. I know that our bonds will stand the test of time and whatever relationship ups and downs we each go through.
So, when you face the awkward situation of having to make small talk with the girlfriend of your boyfriend’s buddy, lean into it. You never know who you’ll meet. They could go on to become some of the most treasured friends you've ever had.
