A prayer to God.
If you're not in it, then I don't want it. If you're not leading it then I don't want it. If you're not leading it (whatever it is) then I don't need it. If you didn't send it, I don't want it.
I'm tired of making investments in what's not for me. God, what do you have ordained for me to be doing and believing and asking for and building for on this earth? You say that I'm your daughter which would mean that I'm the daughter of the king of kings and lord of lords so that's gotta mean that there's more on this earth for me than I already understand and what I've seen.
I'm tired of making investments in things that are not for me to come up short, unfulfilled, and empty. I want YOU.
If it's not mine, I'm cool, I'll wait. If it's not your will, move it out of your way God, even if it's something I want but doesn't align with what YOU want me to want. Move anything in my life and in my and in my friends out of the way that doesn't align with who you say I am and how you want me to live.
Do what you want. I don't want it if it's not you. Do whatever you want to do in my life. I know not what I ask but I don't care anymore because I'm tired of searching the world for what it doesn't have to offer because I can only find it in you. You made it so that it would be this way which is why you sent your son to die on the cross so I (we) can be family to you.
That's why I try person after person after person after person and what I thought was a friend after friend after friend after friend after everyone that I thought was the right one. You've said to me over and over again that no one, not a spouse nor mother or father or best friend, can fulfill me.
My identity. My worth. Who I think I am. My self-esteem. My Confidence. The way that I love. The way that I interact with others. What career and life I want to have.
All of it must come from you. Nothing that isn't made rooted in you in my life will be able to stand/last. That's why I need you because I want to honor you and live for you but I don't know how to do all this on my own.
You made me in your image and in your likeness so I'm like you but I'm man, so I'm also not like you and that's why I need you. Lord, I love you and I don't want to do anything without you. Help me to get out of my own way.
In Jesus' Name, I pray,