Winter break for college students can be a time of many emotions. We’re relieved that finals are over, but already stressing about next semester’s classes beginning in a month. We’re psyched to cuddle with our animals and eat our mom’s home-cooked meals, but then become annoyed once we realize we actually have to socialize with our racist, old family members. The extremely funny, ultra relatable tweets of Chrissy Teigen are my only hope for expressing how winter vacation is normally spent.
When you’re anxious about whether or not your pets are even going to recognize you…
When you go to all of the holiday parties around town and realize you’re a lightweight because your friend goes to a state college and you don’t…
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We grew up thinking the world was black and white. There's tall people and short people. There's old people and young people.
There's fat people and skinny people.
But as you get older, you realize there is a lot more in between those two ends of the spectrum than you ever thought possible. Especially when it comes to weight. And you do a lot more realizing if you're in an awkward position on that scale... Literally.
1. People always tell you to stop saying you are fat
Obviously, your friends SHOULD prevent you from talking negatively about yourself. And if you only saw you when you were fully dressed, you'd probably tell yourself to stop saying you're fat, too.
2. And are kind of surprised by your actual weight
You've definitely had friends who are shocked by the number on your scale because you can carry it pretty well when you are fully dressed.
3. Sometimes you feel like a catfish
Have you ever changed out of your super cute, flattering outfit and looked at yourself in the mirror and thought... Wow, am I lying to people?
4. But you know this is probably true for most people
When you're wearing clothes, typically the parts of a body that bring about insecurities (stomach, namely) are covered. No matter the body type, you realize most people are more comfortable in clothes than out of them.
5. Your confidence is often contingent on the month
November? Yep, won't need to be in shorts or a bikini for about 7-8 months. I am good to go.
February? I'll need to be in a bikini soon.. I could use some work.
6. You are thrilled by the one-piece bathing suit making a fashion come back
A resounding 'thank you' to whoever decided it was time to give one-pieces a try again. The stomachs of us in-between gals are appreciative.
7. Crop tops are 95% of the time not your top of choice
Yeah, okay, clothes are supposed to work for me and not against me.
8. You honestly don't understand jean sizes
I have fluctuated in weight a lot of my life, most recently losing 25lbs, and I still did not budge in jean sizes.
9. You wonder what other people think when they see you
Do other people see me as thin in clothing? Or fat in a bikini? What size am I perceived as?
10. Shopping is kind of a nightmare
Have you ever found about 27 items you liked, added the prices and thought, ah, it is going to be so tough to choose from all of these items? Only to go into the fitting room and realize only 2 of the items fit you well? Yep, me every single time I go to the store.
11. You're thankful that at least you've got boobs
You can kind of hide them in clothes, and then let them steal the show away from your tummy in a swimsuit.
12. You have a hard time setting weight-loss goals
You aren't really sure how overweight you are (if you are, at all) and you don't want to be at an unhealthy weight on either side of the spectrum.
13. Body positivity comes and goes
There are days, weeks or even months when you feel like the most beautiful person on the planet, and then something happens (old jeans don't fit, you try on a new bathing suit, etc.) and you convince yourself that all of that confidence was wrong and undeserved.
14. You always try on the biggest size first
Either this or you're in a weird limbo between the smallest plus sizes size and the biggest generic sizes size.
15. Half of you knows every body is a bikini body, and half of you is convinced that yours is not
You know that your body is worthy of wearing whatever you want to wear, but looking at yourself and seeing what society (and you) sometimes deem as unattractive can eat away at that knowledge.
16. But you also know self-love and confidence are key to beauty
Even if you have to fake it, you know that feeling confident is going to carry you pretty far.
17. Being in a bathing suit is a constant game of readjustment
Okay, I am sitting. Pull the bottoms up to cover as much as my stomach as possible and the back of the top down to cover any back rolls.
18. You've avoided the mirror after a shower before
You know that you are just going to lose all the comfort you felt in your body during the day when you see yourself, so sometimes it is best to just avoid it.
19. Ultimately, you know your beauty is not contingent on what you are wearing
The goal for everyone should be to get to a point where it doesn't matter if you're in a snowsuit, a bathing suit or a birthday suit... You can see your beauty no matter what and feel confident despite what you have on. It'll take time, but falling in love with the way you look is worth it.
Thank you for your time.
This is a series that I have dedicated to those I have loved and lost. It was merely a thought, then an idea, and now a realized creation. Christmas time… all winter really is a hard time for me. It holds this duality in my life of being both my favorite and also my least favorite and difficult time of year. It has been that way for years now.
In a way, this series aids my closure and healing further, and it allows me to tell my story in a way that, to me, is less scary (one of the many great facets of this platform). It was never my intention to write this in order to reach people, or encourage people, or serve as an inspiration to anyone. This was for me and only me. No one else. But, if these pieces of writing do impact someone, somewhere, or make them feel encouraged or inspired in some way or another, or just simply make them feel, then I hope you have enjoyed them. If I can make someone feel, then I guess I have done my job.
The life of an artist is often an uncertain one. The life of a human is a trying one. But life is a journey, and all journeys have their trials. Their tests. Their triumphs and rewards. And they all have their losses. What matters most is what you make of all of it. What lessons you learn. What changes you make. What life you create for yourself. What art you create because of it all. It can be very, very hard. But it can all be glorious at the same time.
At the heart of this series, my words, there is this deep and valuable belief of mine: Christmas (or the Winter Holiday that you may celebrate) is so much more about presents and cooking and shopping and all that other bullshit… it is about family.
The family that is related by blood. The family that surrounds your heart. Your Mom. Your brother. Your dearest friends. The bonds that make life valuable. Worth living. These bonds are soulful bonds, ones that are far more special than any mere trivial object. So… be with them. Forgive. Forget. Heal. Mend what is broken. Reassemble what has been shattered. And stop worrying so much. Laugh together. Cry together. Heal on another. Heal together. And may your new days be better, brighter, and full of love.
A song for you...
If you liked this series, I invite you to check out my previous article below…
As well as this article by a fellow creator…