Everyone has shadows. Some of the shadows are behind you, there to remind you of what not to do, while some cast their reach so far ahead of you, you don’t know where they end. Some shadows are just stuck to us, not ever leaving our sides. Some people feel these shadows more than others, and some shadows are stronger than others.
In the morning, you wake up to your shadow tugging you into the past. These shadows are what could have been; the relationships you had, what you said, what you did, like someone filmed a reality show and you are the star. The shadows behind you are the naggers and nitpickers, the anxiety that you feel is the shadows welcoming you into its cold embrace almost by slamming every negative thought you have ever had about yourself. Keeping you immobilized until the sun can rise, high enough to melt the blanket off of you so you finally start your day. These shadows are also where your low expectations become a reality, the test that you didn’t study enough for, the relative that you should learn what not to do from.
The shadows that stay by your side during the day are the things that you hold on to. Maybe you think your laugh is weird, or that the group of people that you just walked by is talking about how much they hate you. You can live through these; these are the easier ones. But maybe the shadow clinging the most today is the thought that absolutely no one likes you, or how you should just kill yourself, you can’t let these thoughts get any deeper than thoughts. Thoughts like those mentioned are intrusive, and you can beat them.
Your shadow at the end of the day is ahead, it’s a looming battle. These shadows are all expectations made by someone else; you’re professors, your parents, your siblings. These expectations are health with some moderation, but it’s when everyone has an expectation that it feels like a tsunami of responsibility.
Okay, secrets out, these shadows are our mental stability. The more shadows you have doesn’t necessarily mean the more unstable you are; you are okay. If you think that you have too little shadows, you have nothing to fear; you are more stable than others. Everyone has a shadow, the same shadow that follows you all day; it’s your demon.
The system of doubt we place on ourselves is insane, the thoughts we just dismiss as how tired we are or how worn out we are. The same system that we think we can trust, the “you can just talk to someone!” is proven flawed time and time again, when you try to tell someone how you are feeling and the shadows start choking you and you just have to sit there and lie and say that everything is fine and you are just praying that someone notices the signs so you don’t have to tell them yourself.
Your shadows are yours, but not yours alone. Everyone shares a shadow at one point or another, keep a lookout for someone sharing yours.