Is Your Search for "The One" Hindering You?

Is Your Search for "The One" Hindering You?

#Relationshipgoals affecting millenials

It is officially “cuddle season” here in the Carolinas, as our temperatures have finally lowered to welcome fall-like breezes, colder nights, and the wearing of cardigans and boots. Finally. (And all the girls said “Amen!”). “Cuddle season” also brings the memes and social media posts about #relationshipgoals, whining singles, and boyfriend applications. All this is cute and silly, but how serious are we really and how desperate are we for relationships that we see other people in?

Sometimes the desperation of my generation and hyper focus that is placed on being a relationship, having a man or a girl, scares me. Quite honestly, I feel sometimes that if it were possible, people would buy a boyfriend or girlfriend just to feel like they are #relationshipgoals. However, it is important to think about what other kinds of goals we can focus on that will better propel our future.

I see my generation falling into a precipice of hyper-sexuality. We are way too focused on intimate relationships rather than on self-betterment and amelioration of ourselves to higher aims. We could achieve a lot more if we would focus on ambitious goals and our visions for improving the world and not so much on #relationshipgoals.

A relationship is not the be all and end all of life. If you find love, by all means, embrace it and let it happen, but if not, don’t dwell on it. Let love come to you naturally, don’t go looking for it. Pursue your own values and ambitions instead.

If we, millennials, would exert the amount of energy we do trying to find “the one” into pursuing more ambitious goals, the brilliance of what we could create would be astounding. The time of your youth is the time when you are most energized. It is a time you will never get back. It is a time when you have the energy, the courage and the resources to pursue your goals and to make shift happen!

Education is a major key to this type of success. Whether that means going to college, or becoming the best at your trade—singing, welding, cosmetology, art, etc.—it is extremely important that you do that. From personal experience, I can testify to college being an avenue to success.

College is a very valuable institution and not many young people realize just how valuable it is. There are so many resources available to students who seldom take advantage. If you have a research idea while in college, you can do it there. You have a whole library available to you. You have access to online resources. You have one-on-one tutoring freely available in various subjects. If you want to write a book? Oh my goodness! A majority of professors are themselves authors, there are English professors and other administrative staff who would be able to point you in the direction of editors or publishing firms.

Sometimes, people don’t take advantage of opportunities and they get left out and left behind. Then, all of a sudden, they are 30, married with kids and have not made any strides toward their personal goals, which makes them unhappy.

There comes a time, after having achieved much, that there is still an emptiness inside and there will be that emptiness because we all have a longing for love. It is okay to be motivated by love and for many, love is actually what drives them. They are encouraged to pursue their personal goals by the person whom they love the most. However, I think there is greater strength in being able to pursue these in spite of having or not having a significant other.

I am not bashing love or intimate relationships in any way. I just believe that attaining a spouse or partner is only one part of our amazing, multi-faceted human experience and should not be the sole or most prized goal in life.

My hope is to energize young people to realize our full potential, and not only for acknowledgement sake, but for application. If we do this, we will improve our society, raise the bar for future generations, and create something amazing for our children and grandchildren to appreciate.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Cassells

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it


Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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Things I Miss Now That I'm Home From College Again

There are so many reasons to be glad that the school year is over, but if you've done it right... there are a lot of reasons to miss it too.


So, school is over now and I've come home. As expected I was so relieved at first. No more showering with flip-flops, no more listening to screaming girls running up and down the hall, and a space that is mine and mine alone. But after a week or so of being back, there are a few things I've already started to miss.

I know that not every single person has the ideal roommate but I got really lucky with mine. Coming home I was excited to have my own space, but now when I'm doing my midnight scrolling, I'm realizing that I miss being able to talk to her about the funny things I see in that very moment. Tagging, DMing, and texting her doesn't feel the same as a long night of giggles spent together.

Also, while seeing old friends when you get home is amazing, and there is always a lot to catch up on, you do start to miss your other friends too. Being in college means that your friends are going through similar things as you are all the time. You have tests together, clubs together, and sometimes you spend way too much time procrastinating together. The bond you begin to form is one you definitely begin to miss - especially when you guys don't live close off of campus.

Coming home also means you don't have a set schedule or at least not immediately. You may come back to a previous job and that puts something on your calendar, but the free time you still have during the week can be a little too much. I know I've spent way too much time obsessing over the Tati/James drama than I ever would have at school. The routine I had at school kept me busy and entertained, and I'm honestly missing it a lot right now.

There are a lot of other things to miss too - even things you thought you wouldn't. You miss the classes, the teachers, and sometimes the food. I know I miss the environment. It isn't a perfect one, but it's full of people just trying to find their way. We are all working through the roller coaster of life and we are all stuck on one beautiful campus together while we figure it all out. I miss meeting new people at the bus stops or running into old classmates and catching up.

I guess the bonus for me is that I just finished sophomore year which means I have more time to spend at school. Come senior year, I guess I'll have to learn quickly how to deal without the things I miss - and also create a schedule so I can travel to see all of my friends, but those are all problems for future me.

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