My whole life, I have hated goodbyes. From my best friends moving away, parting with my family to go to college, and even leaving places like the home I grew up in, I have always struggled with being able to let go of my memories. When I think of saying goodbye to something or someone that has left a mark on me, it makes me feel as though I’m losing them, and almost like I’m losing a part of myself as well.

At my high school graduation a few years ago, I remember feeling so emotional that I wanted to cry as soon as I received my diploma. As I sat on the graduation stage with the rest of the senior class, all I could think of was the fact that I was saying goodbye to a group of people I had spent every day with for the past four years.

When graduation was over, I knew that there would be little chance that my entire class would ever fully reunite again. While today I look back on high school and think of how much I miss my friends, my favorite teachers and my fondest memories, I also realize I’m leaving out a major part of my experience. The nostalgia of leaving high school forever has made me forget the times I was extremely stressed, tired or simply unhappy. It’s made my brain rewrite my own memories.

Something I have always believed to be true is the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” – or, how a feeling like nostalgia can make us remember the past differently than it really was. Just like my fond memories of high school, the fact that this part of my life is no longer a constant is what really makes me miss it.

I am the kind of person who loves having a routine and a sense of consistency in my life, so when I feel like something drastic is changing, it always scares me. When I was eleven, my family moved from London, where I was born and grew up, to São Paulo in Brazil. At the time, I felt like my entire world had changed, and while it took me many months to adjust to a new life, I still felt my true home was back in England. Even today, almost ten years later, I still find myself longing for a home in a different country since I have come to college, missing Brazil like I once missed London.

While I know that loss is not something that can be avoided, I also believe that it can make us misremember things rather than thinking of them as they really were. Even though nostalgia continues to make my heart grow fonder for what I’ve lost, I hope I can begin to appreciate the present before I realize it’s gone.