When my husband and I first started dating, we were both only 16. We were absolutely crazy about each other, and we usually could be found making googly eyes somewhere. We were regularly posting cringe-worthy Facebook notes confessing our love to one another where everyone could see (thank you Timehop for embarrassing me daily). About a month into our relationship, we knew we were meant to be together. People called us crazy, as you can expect, because we were so “young.”
Justin was exactly what most teenage girls look for: cute, athletic, a hopeless romantic and popular. He cared about me and my feelings above all else in the world. Not only was he all of these things, but he was openly honest with me about everything all the time; I never had to worry about him lying or cheating or making other stupid mistakes of teenage boys. So you can see why I fell in love with him right? He was basically perfect, except he wasn’t. He was perfect in my 16-year-old eyes because I didn’t know what true love was. Justin is far from perfect, but he is perfect for me. He complements me where I fall short, and I make up for the places that he falls short. Neither of us is perfect, but we are perfect together.
Soon after graduating high school we got engaged, and a year later we were married. We were still in our puppy-love stage of the relationship until we started living together. We started learning many new things about each other. For example, I learned that he doesn’t wash the toothpaste down the sink after he brushes his teeth and that he doesn’t know what clothes can and cannot be dried. But while learning these small things about each other, things began changing between us and still are changing. We started questioning our marriage and our love and whether it was strong enough to endure the changes in our feelings toward each other. We each started asking ourselves if we would be happier without the other one; luckily neither of us could ever imagine being apart. We came to the conclusion that we were going to have to start digging deeper to discover what was "wrong" with us. We had been so completely consumed with one another for so long that we didn’t know what to think when our love started maturing. It went from this happy go lucky, need to be together all the time, to I can love you and still be myself. We started actually being individual people while also being one within the marriage. We learned that taking time for ourselves is OK, and we do not have to be attached at the hip at all times to have a marriage; truthfully, it's very unhealthy to rely entirely on another person without having any individuality.
Many people confuse this change in a relationship for signs that they don’t belong together. Instead of going this route, people should take a step back and really assess the situation. When you first enter into a relationship, things are all great all the time. When you’ve been together for a while and start making larger decisions within your life together, your love changes. This is not a bad change, although it can feel like it at the time; it’s just different than what you are used to. You eventually learn to love each other’s flaws and be patient with one another’s individual issues (something we are still working on daily). You start understanding that you don’t have to post consistently on each other’s social media accounts to show your love because it’s what happens when you are together in person that really matters.
Justin used to bring me flowers or surprise with me with lavish date nights to show his love for me. Once we got married, we got busy. We stopped doing these over the top things because we started maturing and learning about the importance of time together. Now we do laundry for each other, or we wash dishes so that the other person doesn’t have to, and that’s our idea of “doing the little things.” An idea of a big date night for us now might just be watching TV together until we go to bed — but that’s OK. At this stage in our relationship, neither of us needs those overly extravagant signs of affection, because we understand each other on a whole new depth — and we know that we’re in love by things that matter now. When something happens in either of our individual lives, we instantly pick up the phone to call the other one. He is the first person I want to talk to regardless of the emotions I’m feeling in any particular instance.
My reason for writing this is for other young couples. Everyone called us crazy until the day we got married, but here we are, proving them all wrong. If your love starts changing, don’t be scared. Don’t run away because your partner has “stopped” doing the usual things to show their love. It just might simply be that your love is growing deeper and maturing with your relationship. Do not give up, because in the end you will be more in love and closer than ever. There will be ups and downs, as with any relationship, but it’s all in how you progress through these that will make or break you. There will be days when you wake up wondering why you ever thought it was a good idea to choose this route for yourself. If you go through hard times, your relationship can only grow. Things aren’t always easy, but appreciate your partner and work through things with them. Your love will change, and as long as you change with it, it will be better than it has ever been. Justin and I work on our marriage daily, and because of this, I can still say that marrying him was the best decision I have ever made.