I was a dancer from the age of three, and a competitive dancer since the age of seven. I also compete in Scholarship Pageants, so basically, I grew up competitive. Just like any other sport, there is a winner and a loser in pageants and dance. There will always be a 2nd place, and let’s be honest, no one wants to be the first loser.

Whether we like to admit it or not, we have all faced losses. Some losses take on the shape of a failed grade on a test, or not getting the job you wanted. Other losses may look like losing a game or not winning first place in the competition. Either way, a loss should never define who you are, however you should never defy a loss either.

Growing up, I always made it a mission to try my absolute best in anything I have done. I worked hard at the dance studio, and even harder when I decided to start competing in pageants. I joined the pageant scene when I was 10 years old (that is pretty late in the game for most pageant girls), upon competing in my very first pageant, I won.

Now I know this is supposed to be an article about losing but just stay with me. There is a point.

After competing for two years, and winning twice in a row, I decided to step up my game and start competing with the “big dogs.” I was the youngest in the age group but boy was I determined. I competed to the best of my abilities, but at the end of the pageant, come crowning, my name was not called.

I was devastated. I have never faced a loss so large before and I did not know how to handle myself. I let this loss get to me and define who I was for a good while.

I think that we associate a loss with being bad when in reality it should make us work harder and help us become more aware of ourselves. A loss should no longer be thought of as a negative, it is just God telling you that your time is coming, just not right now.

Now I know talking about a loss via this post is a lot easier than actually facing one, but I have had my share of losses, and here is how I dealt with them.

I lost my first ever state pageant in 2013, of course, I was upset that I did not win, but I choose not to dwell on the things I did not accomplish and focus on what I did achieve. I decided to point out the positives, like making semi-finalist, doing something out of my comfort zone, and making new friends. Focusing on the positives allowed me to then take my loss and use it as a learning tool. I decided to work harder and perform even better the following year.

Come 2014 I competed again, this time I had people telling me before I even went to compete that, and I quote, “Would never win as a teen.” Apparently, I was just not cut out for it.

What these people did not realize, is that I really like to prove negative people wrong. And that is exactly what I did. (I won.) I used what they said as a reason to try even harder. I did not want to give them a reason to be right about me. I turned their negative into a positive.

So maybe, instead of letting our losses tell us what we cannot do, we should allow them to paint the path for what we will soon accomplish.

So go and prove your losses wrong.