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The Stages Following Your Last Sip Of Coffee

There's rock bottom, then 50 feet of crap... then the bottom of your coffee cup.

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The Stages Following Your Last Sip Of Coffee
Jordan Sickon

There truly is no feeling like it. You wake up, sip on some bean juice while stumbling through your morning tasks and all of a sudden you’ve hit the bottom. The few leftover grounds float around in a lukewarm pool of what you once had and you think: How?

The not-too-hot-but-not-too-cold, Colombian something-or-other that fills your favorite mug every morning is gone, and you’re overcome with emotion. Are you angry? Are you sad, or maybe just confused? Do you not know what to feel?

While reminiscing on the many bottoms of coffee cups I’ve reluctantly hit, it was easy for me to track the emotional patterns that I struggled through, and I’m sure many others have struggled through, after my last sip of coffee.

Stage 1: Confusion and Betrayal

When you sit there, eyeing the stained paper disk at the bottom of your to-go cup or the shallow puddle at the bottom of your mug, you enter Stage 1 of the downward spiral.

Though you’ve been through this many times, that last sip never fails to take you by surprise. You don’t feel energized or ready for the day, just sluggish and confused. What you’re feeling is betrayal, not only by yourself for burning through the drink so quickly, but also by your coffee for not pulling through when you needed it most.

Stage 2: Denial

You try to tell yourself that the barista ripped you off, that they stuffed the cup with ice before pouring your drink or loaded it with creamer to dilute the coffee. There’s no way you could’ve finished a Venti iced coffee in ten minutes, is there?

Stage 3: Oblivion

A few minutes later you forget it ever happened. The issue is dismissed and you’re back to normal until, uh-oh, you reach for your cup to take a swig thinking it’s still full. When you feel the weight of an obviously empty cup you panic, turning the cup upside down and tapping the bottom to get that last bit.

Oh, silly you, hoping that just a drop more would get you through the next four hours of your double shift. The lack of caffeine may be getting to you at this point, or maybe you’re still just in the stage of denial.

Stage 4: Panic

You think about all of the things you have to do that day, how little time you have to do them, and how the caffeine still isn’t kicking in. You drive yourself to believe you need more, which leads you to…

Stage 5: Relapse

You violently sift through your bag, looking for that gift card your aunt gave you as a birthday present three years ago, praying that it still has a few dollars on it. Plan B is to sort through your change, because the shame of another coffee purchase on your bank statement at the end of the month is more than you can handle. Finally, after counting out 7 pennies, a dime and 3 dollars in quarters, you wait in line for your next drink.

Of course this vicious cycle repeats and we’re almost always left unsatisfied. We won’t stop until we’re a frenzy of shaky hands and wide eyes, but hey, it gets us through the day, doesn’t it?

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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