I remember the first time I came out vividly. I had called my aunt Julie; the person I would be able to tell anything to without the fear of rejection or any form of hatred. I was shaking, pacing my room back and forth. I was waiting for the perfect moment to discuss the truth that lay heavy on my chest. We were on the phone for an hour, and I still had not been able to tell Julie what I wanted to say.

There had already been rumors that my girlfriend and I had been dating, and I brought this up to her. I could tell she was wondering where this conversation was going, and I told her that the rumors were true. Except as I told her this, I started to cry. Julie asked me what I thought about that. I explained that I was happy with my girlfriend, even though I was crying as I talked about my relationship.

Looking back, the first time I came out was definitely the scariest. The next few times made me nervous, but I managed to hold back tears. Imagine what had happened if I hadn’t been in control of my own coming out. What if I had come out without my consent? It would have been an entirely different story.

Coming out is a personal choice, and not one that should be made by anyone but that specific individual. Still, some believe that people should just come out as soon as they become aware of what they identify with. Some do not consider their family situation, and whether they live in a supportive household. I have no idea what I would have done if I did not come from a family that wholeheartedly supports me. Coming out is not a safe decision for every person, and that should be taken into consideration. Coming out is serious, and not something that should happen before the individual is ready. Yes, everyone deserves to live as who they are, but not everyone has that chance at this point in their lives.

Coming out is a big deal, at least at first. Many individuals in the LGBT community have their own personal reasons for not coming out. Now I don’t even think twice about coming out to a majority of the population. I am now comfortable identifying as a lesbian, and I no longer shy away from coming out.

Coming out is a process, and it happens every day. There is no rainbow sign I carry with me everyday. I do not match the stereotype of a gay woman, I do not have super short hair, or wear a flannel everyday. Confidence is not an attribute that every person has, and their wishes should be followed, even if they choose not to come out for years.

Most importantly, before coming out, this individual must accept themselves. Without accepting oneself, others will find accepting you difficult. Embrace every part of yourself, even though it is often easier said than done. Good luck, and know that you are the best person there is to make a decision about your life.