There is one scary big-eyed monster that we are all too terrified to come face to face with. Change. No matter how often we try to deny it, our lives are constantly changing. Circumstances change. Feelings change. People change. And no matter how common and frequently occurring these changes are, we are still, for some odd reason, afraid to look change in it’s big, taunting eyes and deal with it. But one thing that we need to realize as human beings is that change is everywhere. There is no way to run from it and no place to hide. The sooner you face that, the closer you are to leading yourself into a happier life.

When I first arrived at college, I knew that my whole world was about to change. I was eager to dive into everything new that was in front of me but terrified to accept that my old high school friend groups would cease to exist and that we were all going our separate ways to find our own new beginnings. The day I moved into my dorm was a big day for me. I was meeting my roommate for the first time and was about to attend a school where the only person I knew was my sister. However, once I was in the swing of things, I started loving how much change I was experiencing every day. I began putting myself out there, making new friends daily and was living what was my idea of the typical college experience. My roommate became my best friend and I also met a boy who made me extremely happy.

However, something I failed to consider at the start of freshman year was how comfortable change can start to feel. I found myself trapped in a world where I wanted my life to stay put exactly where it was and became terrified of change because I assumed change would take the people I love away from me. The type of relationship that I was in was one that most people dream of having. I was constantly being encouraged to excel in the things that I love, and I was given the purest and most freed sense of happiness I thought that I could’ve ever felt. Because I had a rough time with relationships in high school, I was terrified for this one to experience any sort of change, so I slowly started ignoring all the changes that spiraled around me like a whirlwind.

Eventually, the frightening monster of change got me, and I became someone unrecognizable. Since I allowed no change to ever enter my life, I started to depend solely on the people I love for my happiness. Because of this, I was deteriorating everything I was trying to hold onto. The more I loved the people close to me, the less I loved myself. And let’s be real, who is going to love you when you can’t even love yourself? With this leash around my neck, I was being dragged around to do what makes other people happy instead of what makes me happy.

Because of this, what I was afraid of started happening. I was pushing the people I love out my life with the desperate attempt to try to keep them until they were suffocated by my lack of self-worth. Still, refusing to face change and realize the issues I was having with myself, I drove myself crazy and pushed those close to me over the edge until finally, they slipped through my fingers like grains of sand on a beach. It wasn’t until I was laying in my living room post-surgery for a week, with nobody coming to visit me or check up on me, that I realized I was alone. In this process of self-realization, I started acknowledging every ounce of change that would come my way.

I embraced the person that I am, and the person that I once used to be before I gave up who I was.

I thought about where I let my life spiral out of control and noticed how unhealthy my coping mechanisms had become. I remembered the last words that my favorite person told me before leaving my life. “Learn how to love yourself without me having to do it for the both of us”. As piercing as those words were to my ears at the time, they were the words that kept me moving forward through my journey. When I found myself down, I would remind myself of that day and those words until I became someone who is happy with herself and saw each day as new.

I transformed from somebody who saw relationships as a ticking time bomb that you must constantly try to deactivate, to somebody who takes life day by day and just enjoying every moment I get with the people who enter or exit my life. People will leave, and people will stay, people will reoccur, and people will change. But no matter what, every day is a new day, and that is something that took me almost a year to figure out. But I am so grateful to say that I am finally free of who I used to be.

For those who are afraid of change: Face it, embrace it, and live in it. Life will constantly change and catch you off guard. Life will constantly test you. Notice every change and acknowledge its existence. Know that things are bound to change again and that this cycle will constantly continue every day and every year. The world keeps turning and life goes on. Learn from the mistakes you make and grow from them. Choose to make every day dedicated to making a better you. Excel in the things you love. Find freedom within yourself and never force the ones you love into numbing you from recognizing yourself change. Learn how to love yourself and appreciate what you have, what will come and what will go. The people meant to be in your life will find a way to be in it. It’s time to stop hiding from this scary thing called change and accept it.

Love it.

You only get one life, and that life deserves to be beautiful, happy and free.