You Won't Find Real Love Without Heartbreak

You Won't Find Real Love Without Heartbreak

Real love stems from heartbreak

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Heading into 2019, the last thing anyone wants to think about is getting their heart broken. I know I for one would truly prefer not to experience that again as I have in 2018. The heartbreak I experienced last year was one for the books, but looking back now almost a full year later, I couldn't imagine who I would be without it. Love comes easily for some while for others it feels like searching for a needle in a haystack. It's scary to get back out there, whether you are recently single or have been single for a while and want to become more active in finding a boyfriend or girlfriend.

We cannot let the idea of getting our hearts broken be a deterrent for finding the love we know we deserve.

Obviously skipping harsh break-ups full of arguments and sadness is what anyone could ask for when searching for the right person, but we cannot find our true love without going through any sort of heartbreak. Every wrong partner leads you one step closer to the right one. Tired of picking the wrong people? Everyone has to go through a wakeup call when they finally realize enough is enough.

Once you've gone through one heartbreak too many and then taken a ton of personal time for yourself, only then will the right kind of person you need can start to pop up into your life.

Maybe you finally found someone you thought could be the one, but something about the timing is wrong. They could be going away for a long time, or you find yourself swamped with work and cannot put proper effort into the relationship. Sometimes we have to meet these people to see what we need and realize what we want may not be what is best for us. If this person is meant to be with you, they will be. Some may say bad timing means the relationship isn't meant to be but I beg to differ.

Take these glimpses into what you need and start writing a whole new chapter of the story of your life.

It's so hard to take anyone you meet on a dating app seriously, especially when you get older and guys just seem to keep getting younger. The maturity level between you and the pool of people to choose from is vastly different, so it's easy to want to give up on the whole idea of dating. It's hard to trust that the new person you start talking to won't ghost you or cheat on you when you finally start to have faith in relationships again.

We have to be gutsy if we want real love.

Being afraid to get hurt will prevent you from chasing after what you want. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and feel real, possibly gut-wrenching pain because the rainbow is just around the corner, where your pot of gold and dream person is waiting for you. Getting your heart broken makes you so much stronger. Yeah, it really sucks at the moment, but in the end, you'll be able to look back and be thankful for those hard times. The heartbreak made you into the amazing person you are right now, and that's something those trashy exes of yours will never get to take away.

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To The Guy Who Treated Me Like Crap

In many ways, I feel bad that you could never see how amazing I am.
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Dear (insert guy's name here),

I’m sorry that I acted as your footstool for so long. You treated me terribly, and for some reason, I couldn’t see that. I only saw you as someone who liked me and wanted to be with me (at least, that’s what I thought). I was like a little puppy dog following you around, completely loving and loyal. I was always waiting for you to text me, posting Snapchat stories for the sole purpose of knowing you would see them and always hoping you would come around when I was out with my friends so I could show you off.

No matter how hard I wanted us to work out, I now realize it never would have.

You weren’t right for me because you treated me like I was your inferior. You were always talking to other girls, flirting with them, and treating me like a child. You were so selfish. Only doing what you wanted and coming around when you felt like it and taking advantage of me. You made me feel crazy when I got mad at you for all the little things. I was so caught up in you that I tried to ignore all of the signals right in front of me.

You just weren’t right for me.

I now know that the right guy for me is the one who respects me and chooses me over everyone else. The guy who never makes me feel insane for questioning something, the guy who understands when he’s done something wrong and can live with the consequences. You just simply couldn’t provide that for me. In many ways, I feel bad that you could never see how amazing I am.

While I may have been so upset when our relationship ended, it made me realize who I am and what I deserve. I deserve so much more than someone putting in 50 percent. I deserve an endless amount of respect and communication. Putting in your all for a relationship when they can’t do the same is not healthy and it’s childish. I hope someday you can find a girl that you can love infinitely but I take a lot of pride in knowing that girl won’t be me. I may be single for a really long time or I may find the one tomorrow, either way, I have so much hope that one day someone can give me their all and make me feel incredible.

For now, I’m done wasting my time on guys like you who make me feel miserable.

Sincerely,
The One Who Got Away

Cover Image Credit: Trinity Kubassek

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5 Signs Your Boyfriend Might Be A Dirty Rotten Cheater

Now that we have Valentine's Day behind us, I finally feel comfortable bursting your precious love bubble and giving you the real tea on how all of those things you're questioning about your boyfriend are probably just signs he's cheating on you.

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I just spent the last week with my jaw on the floor after the discovery that my best friend spent the better part of 2 years with a guy who was actually cheating ( a lot ) basically the entire length of their relationship. And now that we have Valentine's Day behind us, I finally feel comfortable bursting your precious love bubble and giving you the real tea on how all of those things you're questioning about your boyfriend are probably just signs he's cheating on you. If you encounter any of the following 5 signs, then girl you better get the hell outta dodge.

1. You NEVER get the invite to family gatherings.

Holidays

Brunch with the fam? He's not calling you. Christmas Eve at Aunt Sheryl's? He's not calling you. His sister's birthday party? He's definitely not calling you. It may not seem like a big deal at first, but if he has met your mom, your dad, and your cousins and still isn't inviting you to come along, it's probably because he doesn't want his mom to get confused that he had a totally different girl over last week.

2. He can't stand you being anywhere near his phone.

Cheater's Phone

I would think this one is an obvious red flag, but you'd be surprised how many people believe guys who say they just want you to "respect their privacy." If he is constantly texting, snapping and shoving his phone into his pocket immediately after hitting that lock screen, you may very well be in for a world of hurt. If it's going off at 2 AM, well girl, I shouldn't have to say more to convince you he's cheating.

3. You rarely go out in public.

Dating

I know, I know, he's told you a hundred times that he's just a homebody and would rather be snuggled up watching "Catfish" with you than going out anywhere, but that's probably because he is just scared you guys will run into his other girlfriend. If you do end up going out, it's always out of town or something loud and crowded like a concert where you guys would be hard to spot.

4. He NEVER wants to post about you two on social media.

Cell Phone

He says stuff like "Oh, I just don't feel the need to publicize our love." or maybe "I have a crazy ex and I don't want her to harass you online." Those are both actually just lies. What he really wants to say is "I just don't want evidence and time stamps of our relationship in case I get caught." The best is when they tell you about how they like girls who are off the grid. Sounds like a cheater to me...

5. He's constantly accusing you of cheating.

Accusing

Most girls I know will chalk this up to him just being a jealous guy. But let me tell you something honey, nothing makes you more paranoid than a guilty conscious. If every time you two argue, it divulges into him saying he's not sure if he can trust you or that you have too many guy friends or that he wonders what you're doing on nights without him, well he's probably just manifesting his own fears.

There are no promises here that he is definitely cheating, and if you really trust your man then more power to you. But if any of these signs had you thinking about your own relationship, then I highly recommend that you move on to the next one girl. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, even fish who won't cheat on you!

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