I party take responsibility for getting upset when someone doesn't stay in my life. This is because I've allowed myself to create this ideal vision of how I'm hoping everything will play out. There were a lot of people in my life that I thought would play a significant part in my future, but that was ten years ago and now that this future is here, the one I thought about for so long..I'm disappointed in, and like I said; I partly blame myself.

The other part, I blame you. It takes two people for a relationship to die out, and no matter how many times you blame it on your "busy life" or "hectic job" you're ultimately responsible for why a relationship didn't work out. Let's face it, we all have a choice to put in a certain amount of effort to seeing someone or showing them you appreciate them. Hell half the time what makes a relationship work isn't going out of your way to seeing that person, but instead simply acting interested on what's going on in their life.

But you were too busy for that.

Let's take a second to point out maybe the not so obvious.. I'm not referring to a guy. I'm referring to all the friendships in my life that never made it because somewhere along the way the effort seemed like too much of a burden, and instead of working on a way to figure out a solution, they instead blamed giving up on lack of money, too much work/stress, and little time to fix the things that needed to be fixed.

I'm not letting you off that easy.

My work life is busy too. Half the time I feel like I'm working just to pay for the things I need, and never to pay for the things I actually want. I work five days a week, while still going to school, trying to remain in somewhat good shape physically, while not losing it completely mentally. Yes, I'm tired too.

For one second, just one second please don't get defensive.

Don't resort to saying the:

"You have no idea how busy I really am"

or

"Maybe one day you'll understand"

I understand now.

The truth is you have set a perfect example on what I hope I never am.

I hope that I never leave the people I love on a back burner to my supposed busy schedule and too long of nights.

I hope on days when I'm at my very lowest and feel like breaking, the people closest to me still know they always have me to turn to.

I also hope that I never get so self absorbed in my own bubble that I forget to ask the people I "love" about their own.

I seriously hope I'm never like that or you.

For several years of my life I have made excuses for people that forget to ask.

"They probably forgot and fell asleep"

"Maybe they stayed at work a little later"

"Money is tight for them, and gas prices are high"

But the very same people I say have money problems and can't drive to me see or even meet in the middle, are the same ones going out drinking or finding some way to relax that aren't exactly cheap.

So I'm cutting you off.

You don't get to come back into my life when it's convenient for you. I won't text you to see how you are, only to get a novel long response about your life, have me give you advice, then not get a "and how are you" in return.

I'm no longer going to create this picture perfect wedding day with you as a bridesmaid because truth be told, that's an insult to the people who have remained loyal to me on days you never did.

You have managed to show me that it is possible to feel like you are as close with a person as you could ever be, then in a matter of a few years, feel like a complete stranger to them, and it be nothing out of the ordinary to not hear from them for another year.

You will always be self absorbed, but that doesn't mean you always were. Somewhere along the course of a really good friendship you turned into the exact type of person, both of us never saw ourselves becoming.

I am sorry you don't ask about me because my life is going really well.

I am sorry that our friendship will never amount to what it once was because I think we were pretty damn awesome together.

And I am sorry you won't get to watch my kids grow or have them call you aunty because they'll be freaking amazing kids-this we both know.

This is your loss, your mistake, and soon to be your regret.

More than anything I wish you weren't just a stranger to me anymore because the person I saw by my side on my wedding day now won't even be invited to my actual wedding, and my stomach turns thinking of that.

And yet, you won't ever even know...because you won't ask.