I’m sure this has happened to many of us: you’re walking to class and people seem to be avoiding you and looking away, or you hear many customers suggesting that if you smile more then maybe you’d have more tips in the jar or possibly others have suggested the classic beauty tip that you’d be so much prettier if you just smiled.

Too many times I have heard friends and coworkers express their annoyance with people they’re not particularly close with, or even complete strangers, who think it is okay to point out the lack of expression on someone’s face or, even worse, actually ask for (demand) that you “give them a smile”.

I don’t know why most people feel entitled to receive outward excitement from others, and quite honestly, I think it is pretty personal to ask someone you don’t know too well why they don’t smile. If my closest friend appeared to be displeased in some way, then sure, I could ask what’s wrong. But, if you are someone I rarely speak to or you are a customer I served fairly regularly (back in the retail/food service days), making comments about my smile, or lack thereof, is really just rude.

So, in honor of the strangers, self-entitled jerks, uppity customers and many others who lack a filter and/or boundaries, here are some reasonable explanations as to why I am not smiling at you.

1. This is just my face.

You ever heard of Resting Bitch Face (RBF)? This is definitely a real thing and is in no way to be taken personally. My best friend and coworkers/friends from the coffee shop I used to work for all suffer from serious cases of RBF. They are used to people telling them they always look unhappy or that they come off as intimidating. But, get to know them and you find that they’re not so scary after all and that their neutral facial expressions just look angrier than intended.

2. I’m literally thinking about what I want to eat for lunch.

I take meal times very seriously and just may be thinking too hard about what I want to indulge in to get me through the rest of my day. Personally, I become irrationally angry if I don’t eat enough throughout the day. To save the innocent people around me, I make sure to review my food options very thoroughly, which might take away from the effort I put into smiling.

3. I have a constant list of too many things I need to get done just circulating through my brain.

Not sure why some people assume I don’t have other things going on that need my full attention. Sometimes I am trying to organize my to-do lists into what priority these tasks need to be in, and organization, in general, takes a lot of concentration for me, and my concentrating face isn’t usually the happiest.

4. I’m tired/hung over/sick (or all of the above).

Have you ever made the idiotic decision to go out the night before you need to go to work early in the morning? Or you stayed up way too late binge watching every season of the show you just started that contains five seasons of hour-long episodes? And maybe you really just aren’t feeling overly social on this particular day, but for some reason, you are expected to care about the hundreds of conversations people have with you about the weather. Why is it that I am expected to not only make small talk but also smile through it?

5. I may not have a soul…

If some of the most reasonable explanations don’t make sense, then maybe working in customer service and then in the health care field has hardened my heart a bit.

Okay, I’m mainly kidding, but there is some truth to this reasoning. To my fellow retail and food service comrades: we understand the customer who still thinks they are always right, who has tried our patience countless times. This does actually take a toll on a person to the point where we may actually feel like our souls have been sucked dry, but the super nice customers/clients we come across more often are the ones who give us hope.

6. I am deep in thought.

This sounds redundant, but this is a different kind of concentration that just happens when you get in the serious zone of your daily workflow. As someone who has worked in the food service industry, then into the wonderful world of healthcare that requires more time spent doing paperwork than time spent with your clients, I know that when you get into a good flow with the work routine you can’t interrupt that process. This means I am not even paying attention to what kind of expression I have on my face. And, to comment on the fact that I’m not smiling while I am memorizing your six-coffee order or I keep getting distracted while typing client notes for my six-person caseload really messes with my ability to stay focused.

7. My cats are home napping, and I have to be a functioning member of society.

I would much rather be home in my giant sweatpants, snuggled with my cats. Enough said.

8. I’m going through some stuff.

You never truly know what a person is going through, so please think again before telling that person to smile. You have no clue what issues a person is trying to push aside to get through a day and commenting on that person’s face is an insult and insensitive. Just be pleasant, and I’ll be as pleasant as possible back to you, except maybe without a smile.

9. I do not owe you anything, and that includes my smile.

People smile when they are happy, relaxed, laughing and life is going pretty well in that moment. I don’t flash a smile around to “look prettier”, I don’t smile just to get more tips or to get what I want, I don’t smile at people who think they are entitled to my personal happiness, and I certainly don’t need to smile on command just to make you feel more comfortable.

So, just think before you comment on a person’s chronic RBF. And realize that telling people to smile more, without knowing them very well is simply insulting and ridiculously rude. If you don’t like my face without a smile, then just don’t look.