Inspired by You Should Be Here, by Cole Swindell

In loving memory of my dear friends lost to drug overdose and suicide

There's never a 'right time' to lose someone to death, and I'm thoroughly convinced that there's never a 'right time' to go. It is certain though that there are better times and better ways to go than young, and by suicide or intentional overdose.

You should be here. Every single person you, and I have lost to suicide should be here. I was nineteen when I experienced my first loss of a person to suicide. I'll never ever forget that day as long as I live. It was 6 AM on a misty and humid July morning. I had just finished working an overnight shift at the retailer I was a footwear specialist at. I got in my car and tiredly scrolled through Facebook, never expecting to see a memorial post for a person that I held very near and dear to me. I felt this immediate rush of pain and confusion, and a full on panic of so many questions I felt so entitled to have answered, but at the same time knowing that I had no right to be asking them at that very moment.

I got home, I parked my car. I sat some more, laid my head on the steering wheel and thought to myself, a thought that I had never thought before. I had this overwhelming feeling of disbelief that he was truly gone. I couldn't believe that there was nothing to bring him back. I couldn't believe that there was nothing the paramedics could do when they found him in his truck. Then it finally washed over me too, that he had chosen to do this for some twisted reason beyond anyone's wildest dreams or imaginations.

There were thoughts of 'why didn't he come to me' and 'why couldn't he have lived', and the worst, most excruciating thought of all; 'why did he feel this way?' Losing someone to suicide will make you question the absolute depths of every human emotion possible. It'll make you question how a person who seemed so happy and like they were going to have every possible outlet in life going for them could feel so immensely depressed and pressured that they could make the ultimate, irreversible decision.

When you lose someone to suicide, every potential memory with them or memory that you'll make goes through your mind. You wonder what their college graduation would have been like. You wonder if you would have been at their wedding, and who their future wife would have been. You wonder what they would have named their first child, or what kind of brand new car they always dreamed of owning. You wonder about their future and everything that could have and should have been. One thing you'll never wonder though is if you have a place on this earth after they're gone.

Losing someone to suicide made me sure of a few things. The first, is that I'm absolutley certain that everyone has a purpose to fulfill on this earth. The second, is that there is never a situation that isn't reversible that makes anything worth giving up on. The third thing, that I am so absolutley certain of, is that every person that has chosen to take their own life due to struggles they felt they could not face and couldn't muster up the strength to face with a friend or family member should still be here today.