You Might Be An English Major If...

1. You go to a professor’s office for help on an assignment but quote Shakespeare for an hour instead.

2. Your parents have ever questioned your choice in career.

3. You have read John Milton’s Paradise Lost in its entirety.

4. You can fluently use the Dewy Decimal System.

5. You have heard the phrase, "So, you want to be a teacher?" more times than you can count.

6. Your summer goal is to finish more than one book.

7. You own at least one Norton Anthology.

8. The Starbucks barista knows your name and drink.

9. You prefer books over movies.

10. You have ever explained that a degree in English is actually useful.

11. You have a chair in the library that others know not to sit in.

12. You understand the purpose of the Oxford Comma and advocate for its use.

13. You have ever owned a leather messenger bag.

14. You listen to audiobooks while driving, showering, and falling asleep.

15. You point-out literature references in pop culture to your friends.

16. You cannot help but smell a new book.

17. You recall the past in literature movements, not in decades or years.

18. The wrong use of their, there, or they’re makes you cringe.

19. You have ever missed a meal because you were almost done with the chapter.

20. The only math you do is subtracting to determine how many pages you have left.

21. You prefer physical books rather than electronic books.

22. The library is where you relax, not a place you force yourself to go to.

23. You ever ran out of sticky notes as bookmarks.

24. You find yourself analyzing others’ motives as if they are a character from a book.

25. You forgot how to take a multiple choice test but can write a 20-page paper with ease.

26. Your friends ask you to revise their research papers.

27. Antique books excite you.

28. You find mistakes in SparkNotes and Shmoop.

29. You can think of a poem to describe any moment.

30. Your friends know not to bother you if you are in the library.

31. Reading in old-English is easier than understanding street slang.

32. People often mistake you for the librarian, but you help them find the book anyways.

“But why," he said with animation, "do the English not read their own great literature?" Victor laughed triumphantly, and said, "Because at school they are made to hate it.”
― Olaf Stapledon, A Man Divided

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